The Inevitable
by Endlessly Drowning
Summary: It's been seventy five years since Edward left Bella in Forks. Now the family has decided it's time to return. What will they find when they get there? And how will Edward deal with the pain?
1. Chapter 1 Time

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- Ok, so this is just a little pet project of mine. I read a story like this one and wanted to try my hand at writing it a little differently. I'm not sure how it will progress, or if it will progress, or if I will even take it anywhere. But I wrote the first chapter just to get it down, and I guess we shall see where it goes.**

* * *

"No," Edward said firmly as he paced the living room anxiously.

"It's time Edward." Carlisle stared at him intently, his face soft and caring.

"I've told you before," Edward said in a weak, distant voice. "I can't go back there."

"We've exhausted many resources. We've been many places. It's reasonable, and it's the logical place to go."

"I can't," he practically whispered, his always pained eyes even more tortured.

"You can Edward," Alice said softly. "You will have to be able to do it eventually."

"You don't understand!" he hissed angrily at her.

She jumped up from the couch. "I left her behind too! And it wasn't even my choice. Maybe I don't hurt like you do, but I still hurt. And we all hurt because you do!"

"Alice," Esme said gently.

Edward just stood in place, glaring menacingly at Alice, who returned it with one of her own.

"I know its hard Edward. It won't get any easier…until you do it. It will be painful, but it needs to be done. It has been long enough."

Edward's gaze turned to Carlisle, who only stared pointedly. He heaved a big sigh. "Will anything I say change this?"

"No."

"And don't say you're not going Edward. You're coming with us. No more going off to hide yourself in some hole," Alice said firmly.

Edward shook his head side to side. "I don't think I can do this," he choked out.

Esme came quickly to his side and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. "We'll be there. We're going to help you through this."

Edward looked to Carlisle.

"You'll get through this," he said softly.

* * *

"Do you think it's here?" Emmett asked as they walked through the entrance.

"I don't know," Alice said quietly. "I haven't seen anything about Bella. I figured I would, that even if I tried to block her, to stay away from her future, that it would still come to me. But nothing ever did."

"It's probably best. If Edward had seen anything about her, I'm sure it only would have made things worse," Jasper murmured.

"Like it could be any worse," Rosalie said. "Seventy five years, and he's still the same as when he left her. Nothing has changed. How much worse could it have been?"

"Jasper's right. If he had seen me having visions of her, who knows what might have been." Alice kept walking around, peering side to side. "I really think she would have left though. Why would she have stayed? She was only here for him. And staying after he was gone…well, I just wanted to come and check."

"Hey, hang on," Emmett said, turning and jogging a little to the left. "Look…it's her dad."

They all walked over to Emmett, staring forward.

"Charles Swan, loving father, beloved police chief," Alice murmured. "Oh, poor Bella!" she exclaimed, gasping. "This was only about a year after we left! He was…fine. Healthy, fairly young still. Oh, poor Bella."

"No Alice. Poor Charlie," Jasper said grimly, standing a few feet to her left.

"What do you…" she began as she walked over to him. She followed his gaze. She stared, open mouthed, at the stone that sat before them. It was a long time before she could say anything. "No," she breathed. "Oh, no, no no. How…how is this…how could this…" she stammered, unable to finish a sentence.

"Bella," Emmett croaked.

"That's only…months after we left," Rosalie said in a daze.

"Isabella Marie Swan, beloved daughter. We will never forget you." Alice stared at the stone in disbelief. "How…how could I not have seen this?" she finally got out. "This doesn't make any sense. No…"

"We left…and she died," Emmett said in a low voice. "We left to protect her…and she died?"

"This…it just can't be. I know I would have seen this!"

"You weren't looking Alice," Jasper said in a soft, sad voice.

"That doesn't matter! I couldn't have missed this!"

"Well…obviously you could," Rosalie muttered.

* * *

They walked silently through the door, all of their faces looking grim. Alice looked down at the floor.

"Is everything alright?" Esme asked worriedly.

Emmett just shook his head sadly. Carlisle eyed them carefully. "What's going on?"

Just then Edward came bounding down the stairs. He came to a stop right in front of them.

"Why are you all reciting that?" he demanded.

Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie all looked at him warily, while Alice still kept her eyes to the floor.

"What are you trying to hide?"

"Edward, you're…not going to like it," Emmett said sadly, looking him right in the eye.

"Alright, what is going on here?" Carlisle asked firmly. "Just say it already."

Alice lifted her head slowly and looked at Edward. He met her pained gaze and, at the sight of her face, his eyes became slightly panicked.

"What?" he croaked.

"I'm so sorry Edward," she choked out. She watched as his eyes became wide, his face full of shock.

"That's not…no," he said, his voice full of agony.

"What is it?" Esme asked frantically, staring at Edward's crumbling face.

"No…oh, no please no," he cried out in a pained voice.

"Edward, we…" Rosalie began.

But Edward ran up the stairs, his door closing loudly behind him.

"What is this?" Carlisle demanded, looking at all of them.

"It's Bella," Alice said quietly.

"What about her?"

"She…she died. Just a few months after we left."

Esme gasped, her hand going to her mouth. Carlisle just stared at them with wide eyes.

"I…are you sure?" he asked quietly.

"We saw her gravestone," Rosalie replied. "Her father died soon after she did."

"Oh no," Esme breathed. "Poor Edward."

They all looked up the stairs he had just disappeared up, the loud music drifting down to them.


	2. Chapter 2 Abduction

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- So the story continues.**

* * *

"Well?" Emmett asked impatiently.

"I don't know, I haven't found it yet, just hang on," Alice complained as she typed quickly on the keyboard. "Oh wait... I think this might be it."

"Edward," Rosalie said, surprised.

Alice spun around in the chair. When she saw Edward she felt a terrible pain in her chest. He looked awful. She had never seen so much pain held in one set of eyes. His whole body looked slumped. He looked beat; defeated.

"Edward, I…I was just…"

"It's ok," he said quietly, his voice thick. "I…need to know too."

Alice gave him a small, sad smile and turned back to the computer. Edward came to stand behind her.

"Ok, let's see. Yeah, this one is about her. It just says she went missing. This was right when it happened. Massive search, no leads. Father is police chief. Everyone looking…this doesn't say too much. She disappeared one day. Let me see if I can find anything else." She looked quickly over her shoulder. Edward's face was sad, but no more than it had been before.

She typed for a little while. "Here's another one. It's short. It says that everything was left behind. Her car, wallet, backpack…all of her possessions. Oh, this one has more information. She disappeared one day after school. They…oh," she breathed, stopping immediately. She heard a low growl behind her, and turned to see Edward's angry face. He walked away from the back of her chair and began pacing back and forth.

"What is it?" Emmett demanded.

"They…they found…blood. In her kitchen. And signs of a struggle. They didn't release it in the initial articles, but after finding nothing they thought it might help. They…think it was an abduction."

"Abduction?" Rosalie said incredulously. "In Forks?"

"That's what it says." She looked carefully at Edward, who was pacing quickly, looking at none of them. "Let me see if I can find anything else," she mumbled.

"There are a few things here that just say the search continued, no new leads," she said after a few minutes. "Oh…I'm pretty sure this is the last one," she said sadly.

"What does it say?" Jasper asked.

"They never found her…never found anything," Edward said quietly, his voice flat. "They closed the case and listed her as dead."

"Yes," Alice whispered.

"You think I don't know that Emmett!" Edward shouted angrily, glaring at him.

"Hey, I can't help what I think, so don't get all pissed at me!"

"How many times do you think I've beat myself over the head with that these last few days, huh? I thought I was doing the right thing! I wanted her to have a real life! A chance!"

"We know Edward, we know," Jasper said soothingly.

"It won't work Jasper! Nothing will make this easier, so don't even bother!"

"No one blames you Edward," Rosalie said quietly.

"I can hear you all, or have you forgotten that?"

"No one blames you," Alice said firmly. "But we can't help thinking…"

"Yeah, I've only thought it about a million times! I," his voice broke, his face changing from angry to tortured. "I thought I was doing the right thing," he choked out.

"We know. You…you couldn't have known what would happen." Alice stared at him intently.

Edward's head snapped back in Emmett's direction.

"I'm sorry, but it's true. She was."

"Was what?" Rosalie demanded.

"A magnet…for bad stuff," Emmett said quietly.

"But I was the worst of them. At least…I though I was."

"For something like that to happen in Forks," Emmett muttered.

"The articles all said nothing like that had ever happened here," Alice added.

Edward ran his hand through his hair. "It is my fault."

"Edward no…"

"Oh come on Alice!" he interrupted. "I left her! I made you promise not to look for her future! If I just hadn't…" he trailed off.

"You don't know that it would have made a difference," she whispered.

He eyed her carefully. "You know better than to say something different than what you're thinking."

"I'm sorry." She looked away to a spot on the wall.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. It was me. I did this. I did everything."

"No. You can't do this," Rosalie said angrily. "You've spent the last seventy five years depressed that you left her. You can't do that again!"

Edward glared at her.

"Rose!"

"No Emmett. Look, you left. Who knows if it was the best thing. Who knows what might have happened if we had stayed. You can never know. It's all over. It's done. You can't change it, and being depressed for eternity is not going to change that."

Edward turned away and went to sit down, putting his head in his hands.

"Stop it Rosalie," Alice hissed.

"You left knowing that she would go and have a human life and die. She did die…it was just sooner than you thought. But there's nothing to be done now. Please Edward…please. We don't want to watch you like this anymore. We don't want to see you do this to yourself."

"Would you just…"

"She's right," Edward said quietly.

Everyone turned to stare at him in shock.

"I can't do anything. I…I love her. So much. But…if I keep…I can't. My life is meaningless without her. But it's been that way for so long now." He looked around at all of them. "I don't want to cause you pain. I…"

"I really hope you're not going to start talking about leaving again, because if you are…" Alice interrupted.

Edward gave her a small smile. "I was so afraid to come back here. I was afraid of what it would do to me. I didn't think I could handle seeing everything that reminded me of her, that made me think of her. But now…that I know she's gone…" He sighed, running his hand through his hair again. "I'm not leaving," he said softly.

"Please don't," Alice said pleadingly, looking him directly in the eye. "We…we don't want to be without you."

"I know."


	3. Chapter 3 Reflections

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

* * *

Edward sat in class looking at the wall. This is how he spent most hours of the day. Here at school he sat in his chair staring at the wall. At home he lay on the couch looking at the wall, filling the room with loud music trying desperately to block some of the thoughts away. It never worked.

He had spent the last seventy five years thinking of her. Wondering what kind of life she had lived. Wondering if she had gone and had a family, children. If she had loved someone else. He had restrained himself thousands of times from checking on her, knowing that it would only lead to seeing her again, and that wasn't something he thought he could do.

The first year had been the worst, when he had known, or at least had thought he had known, that she was still in Forks. When he knew exactly where she was and that he could just go and at least look in on her. But he knew that he would never just look; that he would go to her, and he had been convinced that would be the most devastating thing to her life.

As the years went on it had been slightly easier, since he had no idea where she might be. He was pretty sure she wouldn't have stayed in Forks. But he still thought about her constantly, every minute that went by. He wished every day that her life was happy and full, and that she had truly moved on. As painful as it was to imagine her with anyone else, he didn't want her to be sad and alone; he didn't want her to be like him.

There was one particular time, just months after he had left, when he decided he was going to go back, that he just couldn't take it anymore. But soon after he decided he had passed a family on the street. The woman slightly resembled Bella, not nearly as beautiful, at least to him, but she had the same build, the same long dark hair. She had a few children with her, and her husband. And instantly his mind flashed to a picture of Bella with a husband, a family, children. He imagined her with the life he so desperately wanted her to have. And he had gone back and crawled into whatever hole he was in at the time, until he had absolutely convinced himself that what he was doing was right, and that he couldn't go back. His heart felt torn to pieces every minute of every day. He was just this empty shell that was full of thoughts of Bella. He spent years just losing himself in memories of her. He closed his eyes and remembered the touch of her soft skin, the deep blush of her cheeks. He remembered the soft brown color of her eyes. And he remembered the smell, the wonderful smell that brought out everything in him, both beast and man; physical pain, and physical longing.

Those were the things he had thought of endlessly for the last seventy five years. They were the slowest of his existence, full of pain and anguish. And now he was still only a shell, full of thoughts of her. But now he thought of his beautiful Bella dying at the young age of eighteen. Of her only having a few short months of life after he left her. He thought of someone hurting her, of taking her life. And anguish he thought could never get any worse consumed him and intensified beyond belief. He thought of hundreds of different ways he could have prevented it. He knew it was his fault; he would not lie to himself by calling it anything but what it was. When he thought of her life, a life he thought he had been giving her, being ripped away, he thought he might burst. If he wasn't positive whoever had done this to her was not already dead themselves he knew he would spend every moment hunting them down. But now he was here, he knew; and he could do nothing. His precious Bella was gone, and there was nowhere to go from there. Of course, logically he had figured she was already passed. But he thought it had happened after she led a nice, full life.

He had made plans long ago that once he knew Bella was gone he would soon follow. But seventy five years of constant thought had deterred him from that. And now, here with his family, he was convinced still that he couldn't go that way. He couldn't stand to cause anyone any more pain. He felt like his existence had only been comprised of inflicting pain on loved ones; and he just couldn't do that to his family, to those he knew loved him so much. A love he didn't deserve.

So he had been trying. He knew that he would never be able to pretend to be happy. But he pretended to not be completely miserable, at least for the little time he spent with them. He owed them that; he owed them so much. He had to give them something.

But the times he was alone he spent swallowed in a hole that was full of Bella. Sometimes his memories, and sometimes horrifying ideas of what had happened to her. It was a terrible existence. But one he knew he deserved.

And so he didn't try to push the pain away. Because he knew that, with everything he had done, everything he had caused, this was what his life was to be.


	4. Chapter 4 Inevitable

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**__**

* * *

She stood at the entrance, finding herself unable to go in. She had never gone and looked. She had never been back here. It seemed like just a small blip on the screen of a life she didn't really know.

She walked through slowly and looked around, searching for the name. And finally she came to it. She stood in front of the stone and let her mind take in the information. Information that she didn't really want to take in, that she didn't want to accept.

That what had happened to her had killed him. He had died less than a year after she was gone. Her Charlie, who was a vague memory, one she could pull up but never fully focus on. She remembered for the most part what he had looked like. She had vague memories of fishing and sports. But they were dull, and never held strongly in her mind.

But she did remember she had loved him. She remembered that he had loved her. And that one moment had ripped him out of her life forever.

It was a strange kind of irony that she had wanted so desperately to be changed, that she felt it was the only life for her, the only life she wanted. And that when she was it ripped away the only chance of a life she had.

As dull as her memories of human life had become, there was one that never, ever faded. Edward. Her mind held desperately to him, a vivid color in her mind that was surrounded by gray. She didn't remember many things clearly. But she remembered him perfectly. She could close her eyes and still paint a perfect picture of his face. She could smell him, taste him on her lips. She could imagine the touch of his skin, the feel of his lips on hers. She remembered the soft velvet voice, and the shivers he sent down her.

It was a terrible kind of torture, that the only thing she could see or remember clearly was the one who had brought this all on. She had wanted to be changed only to be with Edward. She had wanted eternity, but only if it included him. And then he had left her, he had told her he didn't want her; not for eternity, and not for the moment. And he had destroyed the only world she could have ever imagined having.

The only memory she had besides Edward that was somewhat clear was Jacob. Her sun; her precious friend who had come and picked up the pieces of her shattered heart, her shattered life. Other than Edward, he had been the most important thing in her life. And before she had been changed she was starting to realize a few things. She remembered thinking she could be with Jacob. That she might never be whole or complete with him, but that she could be something with him. That even though she was full of broken pieces that she might be able to let him come into her heart, let him hold together what he could. She knew she could've loved him, not like she loved Edward, but still enough to make a relationship, a life with him. And that, like everything else, had been ripped away from her. Her mind went back to the day she had relived over and over again. The one memory, besides those of Edward, that for some reason was crystal clear.

She remembered being at home, being so frustrated that she had to be constantly watched and babysat, that she was putting the entire pack in danger. She remembered that she hadn't wanted them to fight Victoria, but that they were determined to kill her. So there was always someone there, someone watching. She remembered it wasn't Jacob watching when it happened, that someone else had taken over so he could get some sleep. She remembered being in the kitchen pacing back and forth. She had been thinking of Jacob, thinking about just letting herself go, letting herself be with him and have something; not exactly what she wanted, but something that could make her relatively happy.

She remembered turning to pace the other way; and there stood Victoria, her hair wild, her eyes wide and anxious. She stopped abruptly, her breath catching in her throat. Every minute detail from that point on stuck in her mind like glue. She remembered Victoria's laugh, the high, shrill sound. She remembered not moving a muscle, not saying a word, just staring. And praying that Jacob would come. He was the first thing she thought of, just please let him come, she had said over and over in her mind.

"This was bound to happen," Victoria had said laughingly. Bella had just stared, not moving, not speaking.

"I'm not going to waste any time with small talk," she had practically growled. And she had launched herself across the small kitchen and grabbed her hair. Bella was fairly sure she had cried out, but she knew it wasn't a considerable sound. And when Victoria's teeth had sunk into her throat she had choked out one single word.

Inevitable.

Victoria getting to her, her last threads of some kind of life being torn away; and her changing. Because she knew something was going to happen and she wasn't going to die. Not die and be put in the ground at least. It had all been inevitable. She didn't even scream. She knew what was happening, and she didn't scream.

And then the thing she knew would happen did. There was no sound until the door burst open and loud growls echoed through the house. She remembered being let go of and falling to the floor. She remembered a lot of growling, and then shrieking. She remembered Sam grabbing her by the shoulders and screaming her name. She remembered looking at him with a blank stare. And she had mumbled Jacob's name. Then the screaming started. She cried out as the burning began, her body slowly being consumed by it. She remembered someone getting on the phone and calling Jacob, and it seemed like an eternity before he was standing over her, picking her up in his arms and crying out.

She remembered him running with her. She could hear him crying, and she was screaming in agony. She remembered running for a long time before being set on the ground. He laid her out flat and put his face close to hers. And he told her he would love her forever. He told her he was sorry he couldn't protect her. And she remembered choking out that she loved him before he disappeared forever.

The days she changed were just a blur of pain. She lay there on the ground alone, screaming over and over again. And when it was done she sat up to find herself in the mountains somewhere. Jacob had run far with her.

She remembered how different her whole body felt. It felt foreign. Everything was intensified. Every sound was amplified, everything she saw was vivid and clear. And the burning. She remembered swallowing over and over trying to squelch the feeling at the back of her throat. It hadn't taken her long to figure out it was the thirst. It hadn't taken her long to hunt either. The first animal she came across was drained in mere seconds. And every animal she came across after that.

She had stayed in those mountains for days, not knowing where to go. She remembered hearing how dangerous new vampires were to humans in the beginning. She didn't want to take the risk of hurting anyone. So she had stayed there, trying to figure out what she would do. And after a lot of thinking she went to the only place that made sense to her. She went to their house. Where there would be no humans, no nothing. And she had stayed there for a long, long time. Years. All she did was hunt and think. She thought about how everything had been taken away, she thought about what she would do with this now. What her life would be.

But it hadn't taken long to answer that; she would be alone. There was no other option. It tore at her that she was now what she had wanted to be, to be with Edward. But he hadn't wanted her anymore. And when she had tried to make some kind of life without him that was taken too. She had absolutely nothing left. She remembered the stabbing, tearing pain she had felt when Edward left her, how alone she felt. And then she looked around at their empty house, at herself, and realized that while Edward had taken such a large part of her away, she hadn't been completely alone. But now she was. She smiled bitterly the first time she looked in the mirror at her flawless features, her burgundy eyes. The first time she consciously thought of herself moving and saw how much grace she now had. Because there was no point to it. What was she supposed to do with an eternity alone?

Eventually she had ventured out to where humans were. Not Forks; she knew that was too risky. But she had gone somewhere else, another town in Washington. The first time she had caught scent of a human had been hard, very hard, but she had fed well, and had been a vampire for a couple years at that point. As time went by she found it wasn't hard for her to adapt to it. And she had begun to carve out an existence similar to what the Cullen's had, with forged papers and endless schools. Money had been an issue at first. She wasn't proud of the fact that she had stolen. She knew she didn't really need a place to live, that she could survive outdoors if she had to, but she didn't want that life. She wanted some semblance of normal. Eventually it had been easy to find night jobs in warehouses and such to make money. And as she went to different towns she learned how to find the people she needed to create the papers she would need.

She never used Bella Swan. Because she wasn't Bella Swan. She was this empty thing in a shell that was Bella Swan's body. Bella Swan wasn't someone she knew anymore. She knew no one. She didn't know herself, who she was. She only knew she wasn't Bella anymore; so she chose different names.

And just like the Cullen's those first days she had seen them in school, she avoided everyone. There must have been something in her face that automatically told people she wasn't interested in any kind of interaction, because they rarely tried. When they did she tried politely to show she wasn't interested, and one time was all it took. She didn't even know how many times she had been through high school now. She had never tried college. It was just easy to do high school over and over; in college she might have to pay attention and learn something new.

She had always stayed close to Forks, usually in towns in Washington. It was easier than she thought it would be. Papers were never hard to get, and after awhile the days began to bleed together until years went by unnoticed.

But just like her human life had been, her mind was constantly on Edward. Sometimes memories they had together, and sometimes just wondering where he was and what he had done. She never looked for him, never even attempted to. Because Bella Swan was with Edward. And she was not Bella Swan. Her memories of him lingered like a movie playing. She was watching two people together. But neither of those people was her; at least not who she was now.

She tried to hate him. She looked at her life, her human life, what had happened to her, and she tried to hate him for it. But she couldn't. She was plenty bitter, but she couldn't hate him. Her life was full of indifference. She felt nothing. Not anymore at least. Plenty of years had been spent angry, plenty had been spent sad, and resentful. And now they were spent indifferent.

She had gone back and forth on the decision to come to Forks. One day it had just popped into her mind. And as much as she had tried to fight it back, it would not go. Something was just telling her it was time to go back. And it had been so many years, she knew it was alright now. So she had gotten all the papers she would need, found a night job in Port Angeles, and a crummy little room to rent in Forks, where there weren't many. And now, tomorrow, she would walk into Forks High, into the place that had set her life on this course.

She moved over to the headstone next to Charlie's and just stared at it for a long time. A headstone with no body underneath. She imagined her parents standing there so many years ago, crying over a daughter that they didn't even know what had happened to. That brought her pain.

She read the name over and over again. Isabella Marie Swan. Bella Swan. Bella.

She was not Bella. And Bella wouldn't be walking into that school tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5 First Sight

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight Series._**

**A/N- Wow, I'm actually kind of surprised people seem to be enjoying this story so much. I find it hard to write Bella and Edward and don't feel I can really do them justice. But I'm continuing to try. I hope you like!**

* * *

She walked through the last of the trees into the clearing. The clearing that, even after seventy five years, was so familiar.

The meadow. She wasn't exactly sure why she had come here. She didn't need to go somewhere familiar to have memories of him; they were so prevalent in her mind without any kind of reminder. She walked across slowly, taking a deep breath. Her mind was so full of him she almost thought his scent lingered here.

She had almost gone to the house, but she convinced herself not to go there, at least. It was amazing that, even though the memories of him, of them, played out in her mind like a movie, not like things that had actually happened to her; even then the pain still cut her deep.

She wondered if the rest of eternity would go on this way, with no semblance of herself and painful memories constantly crowding her thoughts. She had never really been able to understand why Edward wouldn't change her.

But now she did.

Of course if he had changed her she would be with him, instead of living this constantly lonely existence. They had an entire family of those like themselves; but she had no one.

She sighed heavily and looked around one more time before leaving to make her way to the school. She ran as much as she could, before she got to the point where she would be seen by people, and then walked the rest of the way. When she got to the school she just stood out front for a long time, staring. It hadn't changed too much. The basic structure was the same, but a few more buildings had been added. They were still all brick, and still surrounded by trees.

A vague memory of that first day so long ago began creeping its way to the forefront of her mind, but it was hazy. Except, of course, for one part. Edward.

She kept staring for awhile, and when she finally decided it was time to go in it was as if her feet would not move. She had sort of expected this to be hard. But now that it was actually time to go in she found that she was terrified.

She finally shook her head a few times and forced herself to advance toward the front office. She paused only momentarily before turning the handle and walking in.

She went to the counter, behind which an elderly woman with bright white hair sat at a desk. She glanced up over her glasses with narrowed eyes.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm new. I need to get my schedule."

"Name?"

"Amber Benson." She looked away when she said this. Even after all this time she still felt like something in her eyes would betray her.

The woman shuffled some papers around. "Here we go," she finally said, standing slowly. She came to the counter and set the papers on top. Then she stared carefully at Bella.

"Can I go?"

She narrowed her eyes further. "Are you related to anyone here?"

Bella just stared for a moment before speaking. "No I'm not."

"Hmm…thought maybe you looked a little familiar." She finally looked down at the papers in front of her. "Here's your schedule and a map. This paper needs to be signed by each teacher and brought back."

"Thank you." She quickly gathered the papers up and walked back outside. She felt uncomfortable under the old woman's watchful eye. She looked at the schedule to see she had English first.

She was relieved that the teacher didn't try to get her to make any introductions. Her paper was signed and she was put in the back of the room. She looked pointedly away from all those who stared at her, hoping they would get the idea. She was well used to the stares by now. Funny how she had once thought she might enjoy being beautiful, flawless. But she didn't; it really meant nothing to her.

All of her morning classes went roughly the same. She was never asked to introduce herself, and was always put in the back. She felt she was doing a pretty good job alienating herself; no one had tried to approach her yet. She had gotten pretty good at either avoiding gazes or giving harsh ones of her own to show that she had no desire to be approached.

Finally the bell rang signaling lunch. She gathered her things and got up slowly, having no desire to hurry up and pretend to eat. She walked there as slowly as possible and when she arrived saw that the room was already pretty full. She got in line and bought a soda. She spotted a table in the back corner that was empty and went to sit, trying her best to clearly ignore all those staring at her. She took the top off the soda bottle and began spinning it on the table.

* * *

Edward sat at the table quietly, leaning back in his chair. Everyone else sat around the table, eyeing him carefully. 

"You know, there's another new student today," Alice piped up. "I haven't seen her yet. What does she look like Edward?"

"Didn't see her," he mumbled, still staring down at the table.

"You must have seen her in everyone's mind," she persisted.

"Haven't been paying attention."

"Well get to it then," Emmett said playfully. "We gotta see what kind of dirt everyone's giving her on us."

Edward looked up to see Emmett smiling. "Yeah, ok." He focused in on some of the students. "It appears she's a big topic if discussion. Her name is Amber. I don't think anyone's…" he trailed off.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Alice asked worriedly as she watched his face quickly change.

"No…something's…" he breathed.

"What is it?" Jasper asked.

Edward stood slowly. He closed his eyes for a moment. He opened them again quickly and they were full of panic. "No," he hissed.

"Edward, what's…" But before Alice could finish he walked quickly from the table and began making his way toward the back of the cafeteria.

The others followed behind and saw him stop abruptly. Alice quickly came to his side, the others standing behind them. "What are you…" She stopped as soon as she saw the look on his face. She saw him sniff the air slightly, and then his whole body wavered.

Jasper put his hand on Edward's shoulder. "He's bad," he muttered to Alice.

She looked up to see him staring forward intently and turned her eyes in the same direction.

"What the hell," Emmett began just as Alice gasped quietly.

The others looked forward to see what they were staring at. Everyone was dead silent.

"Holy shit," Emmett finally breathed incredulously.

At the sound of his voice the dark haired girl's head turned up to look back.

* * *

**A/N- Just to let you all know, while this is a little pet project, I have another story that is much longer that takes up a lot of my time...and two little girls under the age of two. So...I can't promise there will always be frequent updates. I usually try to update once a day...I tend to write pretty quickly. But no promises.**


	6. Chapter 6 Too Late to Apologize

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stehenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- I am just so shocked at the response to this story. I really didn't expect people to like it much. To be honest, when I read what I have written it feels off to me...Bella and Edward are damn hard to pull off. But I'm really glad people seem to be enjoying it, and I appreciate your feedback so much. FYI, when I was writing this I had two songs on repeat...Apologize by One Republic, and Lost In Your Eyes by Debbie Gibson. They really inspired this one, including the title. I hope you like.**

* * *

Edward closed his eyes tightly. "Am I seeing things Alice?" he asked in a low, even tone.

"Wh…what?"

"Am I seeing things? Am I going crazy?"

"If you are, then the rest of us are right there with you," she murmured.

He opened his eyes again and stared back into hers; her golden eyes that were wide and anxious.

Bella. Bella was here. Bella was sitting at a table right in front of him. He was staring right at her. He knew this couldn't be real.

But oh, how he wanted it to be. Bella. His Bella. His perfect, beautiful everything. He took a deep breath, continuing to stare. She didn't move a muscle.

He just looked at her face, taking everything in. He could smell her. The same essential smell, only it didn't bring out in him what it used to. There was no longing for her blood; only for her. He felt like his entire being was opening up, after being closed for so long.

She stared back. A hard, cold stare. Surprised; but nothing else. She was Bella. But not the same Bella. There was no openness, no…emotion. The one thing Bella had always been full of was completely absent from her beautiful, delicate features.

"Bella?" Alice finally said quietly, advancing toward her.

Bella jumped up and darted from the room.

* * *

Bella sat at her table, spinning the cap of the bottle mindlessly, losing herself in yet more memories. Memories brought on by being in this place. It was amazing how fresh they all felt, like they had been only yesterday. 

"Holy shit," she heard someone mutter. Her head darted up.

And her whole world, whatever that may be, crashed around her. She stared at the five people in front of her. The five people she had never expected to see again.

Funny how it had never crossed her mind that she might see them in Forks. That was the first thought that entered her mind. Not an irrational one, but certainly not the first she expected.

That thought was soon gone though. Because she was staring right into his eyes. Edward; the one thing that had consumed her thoughts for all these years was standing right in front of her, staring wide eyed. And she wished, she begged, that this was not real. That this was not happening.

Because she couldn't handle it. She wanted to close her eyes and make them all go away. But she knew that this was real. In every memory she had ever dredged up over all these years there wasn't half the intensity there was between them here, when they were just a few yards away from each other.

And it surprised her that, while his face was of course shocked, there was something else there. Happiness, relief; release.

And while maybe she felt some kind of release at seeing him after all these years, there was no happiness. She just didn't have that in her. Not anymore. She remained impassive as ever.

"Bella," she heard Alice say quietly as she began coming closer.

And all Bella knew to do was run. She jumped up and darted too quickly out of the cafeteria. And she went to the only place that seemed rational.

Class. If she ran anywhere else she was sure they would follow her. At least here she knew there would be no scene. They couldn't confront her here.

She got her slip signed and sat where she was told, one of the first to arrive in the class. She watched the door like a hawk praying that none of them would walk through it.

Of course, because that's what she wanted most of all, there was no way it was going to happen, and it was only a few minutes before she saw Alice walk through the door. Her eyes immediately went to Bella and she looked away.

Alice took a seat a few rows in front of her and remained facing forward. Bella stared at a spot on the wall the entire period, not wanting to chance meeting Alice's gaze should she turn back. When the bell rang she just sat in her seat, unmoving.

And so did Alice. Bella sat there for as long as she was able to. But soon the classroom started filling with people from the next period. She stood slowly and, glancing quickly at Alice, darted as fast as she dared out of the room.

She was looking behind her to see if Alice was following. So it wasn't too surprising when she ran into someone full force. And she closed her eyes tightly as she turned forward, already telling herself not to be surprised at who it would be.

She stared up into Emmett's face. And saw everyone behind him, Edward of course being the closest. She stepped back quickly and whirled around, only to find herself face to face with Alice.

"Oh Bella," she murmured quietly.

"I'm late for class," she said grimly and darted around Alice.

Just then she felt someone grab her arm. No, not someone. It was him. No one else's touch could have had that effect. It felt like electricity shot through her entire body. In that moment she felt more alive than she had in so long. Every part of her reacted to his touch.

He spun her around; he was so close she could hear his breathing. She quickly ripped her arm out of his grasp and stepped back. She couldn't be that close to him. She wouldn't let herself be that close to him.

"Bella," he choked out. "I…how…" His relief and pain all mixed together created an odd look.

She stared into his eyes. Eyes she had thought of endlessly. They held everything she wanted to see. She hated that.

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "I'm not Bella," she said firmly.

"Of course you are," Emmett said simply, his voice still betraying his shock. "We do remember…"

"I'm not Bella," she repeated, interrupting him.

Edward looked at her intently. He went to advance forward, but she immediately stepped back. He froze in place. "We…we thought…that you were dead."

"Bella is dead," she replied icily. "There's a gravestone to prove it…go take a look."

He winced at her words, and she found that it pained her. Her face softened slightly. But her resolve did not. She couldn't get herself into a situation she couldn't handle; that she didn't know how to handle. No part of her really knew how to deal with all this.

"You're…here. Bella, you're here," he said softly.

She was silent for a long time before responding. "I…walk around in a body that is Bella's. When I look in the mirror I see Bella's face. That doesn't make me Bella. I'm…not her. Not anymore." She turned to walk away.

"Bella please! Please wait." She turned slightly too look at him. "Bella…I'm so sorry." His voice was so full of pain, of agony. It cut at her. But she still couldn't. She didn't have it in her.

"It's too late to apologize."


	7. Chapter 7 Empty

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Steohenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- I continue to be amazed at the response this story is receving. It is such a confidence booster to hear that you guys are enjoying it, especially when it has just always felt a little off to me. I hope you continue to like. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!**

* * *

"I just…can't…" Carlisle trailed off. He had been saying things like that from the moment they had told him, unable to complete a single thought. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, closing his eyes. It was awhile before he opened them again. "Do you have any idea…how…"

"She…wouldn't talk to us," Alice said in barely more than a whisper.

Edward closed his eyes against the immense pain that hit him. It had been doing that since the moment she tore her arm from his grasp. Touching her, after thinking she was gone, after all this time; it felt like his entire world had finally come into focus, after being hazy and unclear for so long. His life had meaning again.

And at the same time it didn't. Because what did his life really mean, what did it really amount to now? The one person he loved most in the world had been…killed, essentially. And she was this...shell now. What she said to him was right; he could see it without even needing to be told. That she wasn't Bella…his Bella. Everything that had happened, every stab of pain she felt, everything she had lost; it was all because of him.

But he couldn't deny it. The feeling of being alive. The feeling he hadn't had since he said goodbye to her that day. The guilt, the anguish, couldn't push that feeling away. Her existence, her mere presence, brought it out; and now it wasn't going away. Because she was there; in one way or another she was there.

"There…there must be a way we can talk to her," Esme said quietly.

"You didn't see her," Rosalie spoke up. "She…she's not…"

"She's not the same," Emmett supplied. "The way she reacted…"

"How could we really expect her to react?" Carlisle mused.

"I…would expect her to be angry. Hurt maybe. But…" Edward choked up and took a moment to compose himself before continuing. "But not…empty. I could never have imagined her so empty. She is a shell. Nothing more."

"We have no idea what she's been through. But whatever it is, I'm sure it's not...in any way pleasant."

Edward cringed. He couldn't imagine what she had done these last years, with no one there for her. The thought of her being what she was, all alone, killed him. All he had wanted was to protect her; to let her have a chance. And look at the chance she had gotten.

"But…she's alone," Esme choked out. "We cannot just leave her alone. She must come here."

"We'll be lucky if she hasn't left the state by now," Emmett murmured.

Edward let out a low growl without even thinking about it. They all looked at him. He lowered his head, looking at the floor and shaking it a few times. "What am I supposed to do? Please…" he raised his eyes up to Carlisle, "tell me what to do."

Carlisle sighed. "Emmett could be right, and she could be…gone. But if she is not; we will need to try and approach her slowly. With the state she's in, crowding her will only do more harm. This must be done right if we have any hope of…regaining her trust."

"It's not her trust for you that needs to be regained. It's mine; only mine. I…I told her that day…that it was my decision; that none of you had anything to do with it. She knows that this is my fault, and my fault only."

"Edward, it is not…" Esme began.

"Yes it is," he practically growled, interrupting her. "Would she have been bitten if I was here? Of course not; that makes it my fault. There is no other way to look at the situation. Do not try and pacify me; I know what I did."

"This…is so delicate, I really don't know…" Carlisle trailed off once again. "I just cannot believe this happened."

"What I want to know is why I saw nothing," Alice spoke up. "How could I have seen nothing of Bella being attacked?"

"You weren't looking, it happened spur if the moment; there are many things that could have caused it. But none of them matter much now." Carlisle looked at her intently. "Do you see anything of Bella now?"

Alice sighed. "No…nothing."

"Even if she is this…shell," Carlisle floundered on the word. "Even if that is so, there must be a way to correct it. She is there somewhere. There is a way."

* * *

The smart thing would have been to leave. She knew that. She knew she should have just taken off. They had let her walk away. She had still gone to her last class. And after that she should have just disappeared.

She knew she should leave. No good could come of this. Nothing could come of this. There was nothing; she had nothing to give. Whoever, whatever she was, was empty. The only reason she even lived the life she did was because of example. This is what the Cullen's had done; all she knew was that kind of life or the kind Victoria had lived. Those were the only vampires she had ever known, and those were the only things she knew.

And of course she had gone with the Cullen's way. She wasn't empty enough to become a monster. So she lived this life because it was all she knew. She could easily move on to another school, make another identity. And she knew it would be the smart thing to do.

Of course she was telling herself all of this while she was on her way to her first class; obviously it wasn't doing much good. Because no matter how many times she told herself it was best, there was something inside of her, some deep part of her, that told her she was not leaving. It was firm, and unshakable. And she had no chance against it.

She walked into the classroom and back toward her seat. About halfway down the aisle she stopped dead in her tracks.

Edward sat in the seat right next to hers. She stared at him, unmoving for a long time. What was he doing there? She knew he hadn't been in the class yesterday. Her entire being automatically began reacting to his presence.

She finally moved toward her seat and sat down, angling her body away from his. The other students began filing in. The bell rang, but the teacher remained at his desk. Bella kept staring at a spot on the wall, all the time feeling his presence. It filled her, and she desperately tried to push it away. This wasn't something she knew how to, or wanted to, deal with. But when the teacher still failed to begin class she couldn't take it anymore.

"What are you doing here?" she practically hissed, her body turning slightly toward his, but her eyes never looking at him.

"There was a sudden change in my schedule," he whispered.

"A sudden change?"

"Imagine my surprise when I found it was completely rearranged."

"I'm sure," she retorted, turning her body away once again.

She sat, tense and uncomfortable, the entire period, never daring to look at him. Some part of her was surfacing that she didn't really recognize; a part that she couldn't identify with, and more importantly, didn't want to.

Bella.

She pushed her away furiously. She wouldn't let this happen. It was easy to be numb and uncaring. It was easy to be empty. When you had nothing, there was nothing to lose.

The bell rang and she jumped up, moving out of the room quickly; but he was right at her side. She stared forward intently as she moved through the hall.

"May I walk with you?"

"Looks like you already are."

"Well, we do happen to be going in the same direction."

"Due to your 'sudden change', I'm sure."

"Will you not even look at me?"

The pain saturated every word, and she found herself cringing; but she still wouldn't turn her eyes his way. They continued walking in silence. When they reached the classroom she walked in and went directly to her seat. And of course he went to the one right next to her.

She sighed heavily and remained facing forward this time. She could see him out of the corner of her eye. He kept stealing glances at her, but she never turned to meet his gaze.

Her memories really hadn't held his beauty as well as she thought they had. Her memories of him had of course been magnificent. But here, now, in person, he was so much more. The absolute image of perfection.

Her mind immediately went back to her first memory of him, across the cafeteria of this very school all those years ago. She found it amazing that she remembered all the emotions, all the responses, it had brought out in her, considering those were no longer a part of her.

And while she knew she reacted to him now, it was as if it came from somewhere deep, trying desperately but never really pushing completely through. It was hazy.

But hazy as it was, it was still so strong. And she loathed it. She didn't want to feel these things; she didn't want to be thrown into turmoil, into confusion. All she had really thought about these last years were memories and the occasional wondering of where he was, where they all were. But now all of these things were being thrown at her rapid fire, and all she wanted to do was duck into herself and hide.

Because she had been hiding for so long. Hiding was simple and uncomplicated. This was not. What she could slowly feel happening was full of intricacies and complications, she knew that.

All of her morning classes went the same. Edward was there, in the seat next to her. He walked next to her to each one, and they never said a word. When the bell rang for lunch she darted much quicker than she should have into the library; he didn't follow her.

She breathed a sigh if relief as she went and picked up a random book. She didn't care what it was. She knew she would only pretend to concentrate on it anyhow. And the chances were good that she had already read it.

She figured that by now she had probably read most of the books in most of the libraries in Washington. It passed the time, and it engaged her mind with something that wasn't him. She read everything.

Everything but love stories. She never read love stories. She refused to even pick them up. She took the book to a table and sat, opening it and looking mindlessly at the pages.

She knew it was almost time for lunch to end when Alice joined her quietly at the table. Now she stared at the book intently, feigning great interest.

"Bella," Alice said quietly.

Bella made no attempt to look at her.

"You must hate us all so much."

Bella's eyes quickly darted up to look at her. Her face was full of pain, and Bella cringed. She had tried to hate; but only Edward. And she hadn't even succeeded there.

"No. I don't hate you," she said softly, turning her eyes away again.

"It wouldn't be wrong if you did. It wouldn't be unexpected."

"Well, I don't."

"I…know that maybe you might not want to be around us right now. I guess I can't really blame you. But…Carlisle and Esme," she paused. "They want to see you…so much. Would you maybe…could you consider coming over to see us? Please Bella."

Bella closed her eyes tightly. She couldn't do this. She couldn't create ties. She didn't know how. But she wasn't sure what scared her more right then, in that moment; creating them, or shying away.

"I…I can't do that," she whispered.

"I don't want to push you. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling. But…please, I only ask that you think about it. I won't ask again; I will let you decide. And you can just…come whenever you'd like. But they really want to see you. We all do. Please consider it." She stood and walked away quickly. Bella stared after her.

* * *

She knew this was stupid. No good could come out of it. She told herself that over and over and over, repeating it like a mantra. So, she asked herself, why was she standing outside of their door then? 


	8. Chapter 8 My Bella

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- I love you guys. You are just the best reviewers ever. You continue to reassure me when I feel this story is not going in the right direction, and I am so grateful for that. This chapter was written with Look After You by the Fray on repeat. And a special thanks to reviewer saranicole for leaving _the _best review ever. I appreciate your guys' feedback so much, and I hope you enjoy this chapter as well!**

* * *

She stood in front of the door, not knocking, not moving. In that moment she felt like she was two different people. One of those people was trying desperately to lift her arm to knock on the door, the other trying desperately to step back from it.

But neither were winning as she just stood there, staring forward.

She didn't know exactly what she was doing here. As soon as Alice had mentioned coming over she had been saying no vehemently; in her own head at least. She had just kept repeating it over and over throughout the entire day. Edward was of course in her last two classes too. He made no attempt to talk to her, although she saw him look at her many times. She never met his eyes.

It scared her to look at him. Like she might lose herself; like something might take over and begin to fill the emptiness that consumed her. But she really just wanted the emptiness. She didn't want anything, or anyone, disturbing that.

But if that were really true would she be standing here now? If that were true she would have left yesterday. But she wanted it to be true. She wanted…nothing again. Didn't she? She had told herself long ago that she would never see them again. And that's what she had wanted. Wasn't it?

The door opening interrupted her thoughts. And she found herself, wide eyed, facing Carlisle.

He just stared at her for a long time. And she stared back, until finally lowering her eyes to the ground.

"Bella," he said quietly.

She was so tired of hearing that name. In seventy five years it hadn't been uttered to her once. These last two days she felt like the whole world was shouting it at her. She said nothing, still staring down at the ground.

"Bella, please come in," Carlisle spoke a bit louder this time, moving aside and waving her in. She stood in place for a minute, the debate still going on in her head, before finally stepping in.

Carlisle closed the door quietly, then stepped back slightly. He continued to stare at her. She finally looked around the room, seeing everyone there. Esme was directly in front of her, Alice and Jasper on one side, Rosalie and Emmett on the other. They all looked at her warily. Edward stood at the base of the stairs, watching her intently.

"Bella," Esme said. Bella just looked away, back down at the floor.

"Thanks for coming," Alice said softly.

Bella didn't reply. She had no idea what to say, why she was even here. What was this supposed to do? She knew this couldn't possibly make things better.

"I…I guess saying it's nice to see you may be a little out of place, all things considered," Carlisle said gently. "But nonetheless, we are glad you decided to come."

She looked up at him briefly, then turned her eyes away to a spot on the wall. She still had no idea what to say.

"Will you please come and sit?" Carlisle walked toward the couch and motioned in that direction. Bella began walking slowly toward it and sat tensely on the edge at the end. The others made their way over slowly, being careful to give her space. Esme was the closest, but still a few feet down. Edward was the only one to remain standing, coming over and standing across the room from where she sat.

Everyone remained silent. She could feel them all staring at her as she looked down. She folded her hands on her lap.

"Oh Bella…we're all…so sorry." Esme finally broke the silence, her voice full of pain.

Bella glanced up at her. Her face was so open and caring, despite the pain etched into it. Bella could see that she was restraining herself; she remembered enough to know that if Esme had her way she would be hugging her right now. She was glad she kept her distance; she wasn't sure how she would respond to that.

"It's not your fault," she responded quietly. And she meant it. At times she had placed blame, in her angriest moments when all she could feel was resentment and pain. But she had only ever blamed Edward. And even then sometimes she backtracked. She couldn't just blame him for everything because he hadn't wanted to be with her anymore. He had that right. But that argument didn't always work in her head, and sometimes she just held onto it tightly.

"Bella, I'm sure this may be…difficult. But could you tell us what happened?" Carlisle asked gently.

Bella looked away from Esme and over at him. He eyed her carefully; as if he were afraid she would jump up and run out at any moment. And she wanted to; she was tempted to. But, just as that deep part of her had made it clear she would not leave yesterday, it reaffirmed that today, and she knew she wasn't going anywhere.

She stole a glance at Edward, not daring to look at him for too long. He was staring at her with pain in his eyes, but still his face held that openness, that happiness she detected when she had first seen him.

She looked back down at the floor before speaking. "Victoria," she said quietly. She raised her eyes slightly and saw Edward tense up.

"Victoria?" Carlisle's voice sounded puzzled. "She changed you?"

"Well that wasn't her intention. She was…interrupted. Laurent tried before that." She heard a low growl and looked up to see Edward's face full of anger. He looked away quickly and began pacing. "Laurent got interrupted too though."

"Interrupted by whom?"

She looked up at Carlisle again. "The pack."

"Pack?" Emmett asked, confused.

"Werewolves. The Quileute's. They were, or are…I don't know. But they changed, and some of them were werewolves. They killed Laurent before he got to me. But…they were too late with Victoria."

"Werewolves," Carlisle muttered. "I wasn't aware that the gene still continued. Why…why did Victoria come…why did she come after you? Did she say?"

This time she gathered up her courage and looked up to stare Edward in the eye. As soon as her eyes met his he stopped pacing and just looked at her. "Because James was her mate…and you guys killed him…because of me. She thought..." she trailed off, looking back down at the floor. "She though she would be killing…your mate. It was revenge," she finished quietly.

Everyone was silent for a few minutes. Eventually Edward resumed his pacing.

"And the attack was interrupted?" Carlisle finally asked, his voice strained, as if he were afraid to ask.

"Yes."

"By the werewolves?"

"Yes."

"And they knew you had been bitten?"

"Yes." She knew what he was getting at. She closed her eyes briefly as she thought of that day.

"I…I'm just wondering…why…"

"Jacob," Edward interrupted. Bella's eyes darted up to him and he turned his gaze from Carlisle to her. "He was one of them, wasn't he?" he asked softly.

She merely nodded and looked over at the wall.

"And he wouldn't kill you," he added.

"No," she almost whispered.

The room was silent again.

"What…what happened? Where…where did you change? Where did you go?" Alice choked out.

Bella made her face impassive. "Jacob took me somewhere deep in the mountains…he left me there. That's where I changed."

"And then? Did you just stay there?"

She swallowed hard. "For a few days. I just…hunted, and wandered around. Then…" she trailed off. She looked around the room; everyone was staring at her warily, but expectantly. "Then I came here."

She heard Edward's sharp intake of breath. She refused to look at him, instead glancing over at Carlisle.

"Here?" he asked.

She smiled wryly. "Here. To this house. I…I didn't know where else to go. So…I stayed here."

"How long?" Alice asked after a moment.

"Years. A couple years. I was...afraid…if I went around people…So I just stayed here and left to hunt. And eventually I thought I could handle it."

"Uh, did you? You know…handle it?" Emmett asked.

She smiled slightly at his apprehension. She looked around to see everyone waiting for her answer. "You mean did I kill anyone?" He just nodded. "No. It was…hard. But I adapted pretty well." She saw Edward breathe a slight sigh of relief.

"And what did you do after that?" Carlisle persisted.

"The same thing I'm doing now. Went to school, over and over. I just went around to different cities, mostly in the Washington area."

"Is this your first time back in Forks?" Edward asked quietly.

She looked at him and was locked in his gaze for a moment before tearing her eyes away. "Yes," she answered quickly.

"How…how did you..." Alice trailed off.

"The same way you do. Lots of forgeries."

"And money? How do you live?" Carlisle questioned.

"I work. I rent small rooms."

"Work?" Edward said incredulously.

"Yes, work."

"Where do you work?" Alice asked.

"Mostly night jobs at warehouses. They're not that hard to find."

"What about…everyone here…your…" Alice trailed off, but Bella knew what she was trying to say.

"I never saw anyone again," she mumbled.

"Do you even know…what they thought happened to you?" Carlisle asked carefully.

"No," Bella said quietly.

"They thought you were abducted," Alice supplied.

Bella closed her eyes and swallowed hard, wondering what her parents must have thought, the pain they must have felt.

"Oh Bella," Esme breathed, and reached out. But Bella moved quickly. Esme slowly brought her hand back.

"Bella, if we had known," Carlisle began.

"You couldn't have," she interrupted harshly.

She saw Edward begin to approach and looked up at him. He stopped a few feet away and bent down to crouch in front of her. And, as hard as she tried to look away, she couldn't. His gaze consumed her and she felt this warmth that was unrecognizable spread through her, to every inch of her body. She took a quick breath and sat back slightly, but still didn't take her eyes from his.

She saw something in his eyes that she couldn't place. But it made her ache somewhere deep inside, in the same depths that the feelings for him came from.

"Bella," he began, his voice tortured. "I…I don't know if this will make a difference. But I need you to know how deeply sorry I am. When…when I left, I believed I was doing the very best thing for you. If I had known…if I had known what I was doing…I accept full responsibility for everything that has taken place. For my entire existence my single deepest regret will be causing you the immense pain you have suffered. I don't know if there is ever anything I can do to make anything remotely better, or make up for anything I have done; but if there is you only need tell me and I will do it. Please…please just know that you have my sincerest apologies, and please know how incredibly remorseful I am for what has happened to you on account of me." He stared at her intently, and his eyes, his voice, burned with sincerity.

And right then she burned too. With…so many things. Things that brought out one singular thing in her.

Bella. She felt it, like something was actually rising up in her. It was almost a physical manifestation, as if she could feel a pushing of some sort. And it was more than she could handle, more than she could deal with.

But a part of her wanted to deal with it, and she could feel that. And she pushed furiously, fighting to keep it away.

"I have to go," she said quickly as she jumped up and launched herself toward the door.

"Bella wait!" Esme cried.

Bella stopped and turned around slowly. She wouldn't look at Edward. If that happened again…she wasn't sure what might come out. "I really do have to go," she finally said quietly. "I'll have to be at work soon."

"Please…please come back again," Esme pleaded.

"I have to go," she repeated, looking around at all of them. She turned and opened the door, walking out and closing it softly behind her.

Carlisle sighed. "I guess that could have gone much worse than it did."

"Oh, poor Bella," Esme moaned. "She is just…she's…"

"Told you," Emmett muttered.

"Of course she is different," Carlisle stated. "Look at what she has been through. She went through so much. And then…then to be here, of all places. No wonder," he murmured.

"But she came," Alice said softly. She looked over at Edward. He had remained silent the entire time, still bent down in the same position as when he had been talking to Bella. "Edward, what is it? Are you…smiling?"

He straightened up, looking around at everyone, a small smile playing on his lips.

"What is it?" Alice repeated.

"I just saw Bella," he said quietly, his smile widening slightly. "My Bella." And with that he turned and made his way slowly up the stairs.


	9. Chapter 9 Resurfacing

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- It just makes me so happy that you guys seem to be enjoying this story so much. It is beginning to become easier to write and is starting to flow really well. I really hope you continue to enjoy it. By the way, just FYI...be prepared. If it seemed that my other chapters seemed a bit split personality...well, this one takes the cake. But...the ending will make up for it :). Thanks so much for the amazing reviews guys...I appreciate them so much!**

* * *

Edward sat in class, staring once again at Bella. He had to force himself to look away every once in awhile, though his eyes always automatically traveled back to her, like a reflex. She rarely looked over at him, but he caught her glancing at him out of the corner of her eye every so often.

He hadn't really thought that she would come the other day. In fact he had been sure of it. At least not that day. He figured if she ever did come it would be after endless persuasion. But Alice had only asked once, and there she was, later that day.

Having her there, sitting there, so close, had been torture and a release all at the same time. The release of course was her mere presence. When he was around her he felt it so strongly, although even when she wasn't there it was still present, due to the fact that he knew that she was somewhere; that she was alive. But feeling her actually in the same vicinity as him was unbelievably overwhelming; intoxicating almost, and it consumed him whole.

The torture was not going to her. Because all he wanted when he was near her was to reach out and touch her. He felt it even now in class. But there, at the house, where she had nearly been open, he had felt it more strongly than ever. When she walked out it had taken every ounce of self control he possessed to refrain from going after her and dragging her back. Because that's all he wanted.

That's what he would have. Eventually, somehow, he knew he would pull her back to him and hold her there tightly. He didn't care what or how long it took. He would share his life with her. He would reach deep inside and pull his Bella back.

Time. All he needed was time. And time he had, in endless supply; and it would all go to her.

After she left that night he had gone up to his room and just lay on his couch, replaying over and over the moment in his mind where he knew he had seen his Bella. When the constant cloud that covered her eyes had lifted momentarily and she had shown herself. And what a beautiful sight it was, staring into her eyes and seeing, feeling her again. He held onto that desperately, going over it again and again for hours.

But eventually the rest of the visit had caught up to him, and he began replaying her story in his head. Her story of being changed; all because of him. He knew it had been his fault. That he should have been there to protect her; to save her.

But it wasn't only that. The entire situation had come to pass _because_ of him. Everything was his fault. How could she not blame him; there was no way around it. He knew that, now, she must have absolutely no faith in him. And he knew he needed to build that again; that he needed to show her that she was his entire world, and that he would never be so foolish again.

He wasn't quite sure how he would do it. But he would. He would regain her trust; and eventually, her love.

Time. He just needed time.

* * *

She was heading into dangerous territory; she knew that. Going there had been a huge leap. But not a leap for her; it had been a leap for Bella. The Bella that she now knew more than ever resided in her still; trying desperately to resurface and take…something. Something that she wasn't ready for and didn't; couldn't, want.

Because how could she go there? To a place that was so familiar, but yet so far away. To a place where emotions were felt and things were given and taken. She had nothing to give.

But Bella did. She was making that painfully obvious with every moment that ticked by. And as she fought to hold her back, she wondered what she was really fighting against. Who was this person that she was so desperately trying to hold on to? Amber? Or Sarah or Jessica or Michelle or Leslie or Anna or Ashley…all the many people she had become over the years?

But she knew she had never truly become anyone. She had become no one. And no one was who she was trying so hard to hold on to. Because no one was simple and effortless, and caused little if any strife. The only pain and anguish she pushed through was from the past.

From Bella. From the one thing that existed in her that was actually something; that was actually someone. For so long she had truly thought she was empty. All this time she had thought she was no one, with nothing inside; when in all actuality she had become no one, holding someone who was inside back; someone who hadn't had much of a reason to come out.

Until now. Until him. And now she wanted out. And the only real question was; would she let that happen? Could she let that happen? Did she even have a choice?

Because right now there were two distinct people. No one, who, despite not truly being their own person, was defined in their parameters of remaining hollow and empty. Then there was Bella. And she didn't really know what her parameters were. Because, to know that, she had to let her come fully out. And, if she did that, she was quite sure she was never going back in; that she would never tuck herself away and hide again.

But when she thought about it rationally, logically; as logically as this mind numbing situation could be thought out at least, she knew that there really could be no going back. Because she had only been empty when she thought there was no Bella there. When she had thought Bella was long gone.

But Bella wasn't gone. And some part of her; a part that she didn't particularly want to listen to, but was screaming at her, was telling her that she would never be gone again. So she could try to fight it, though it felt inevitable that it would resurface; or she could just let it come out, and let come what may.

But that was the truly terrifying thought. Because everything in her existence for so long had been completely predictable. So how was she supposed to venture out knowing nothing of what would come?

That wasn't entirely true though. She had a foreshadowing of what may come. And it was something she absolutely knew she couldn't handle.

But…maybe Bella could.

* * *

"Have you seen her today?" Alice murmured to Edward from across the table.

"Of course I've seen her. As if I could see anything else."

"Her…eyes. She looks like she's fighting with herself; like she's having this massive struggle."

He frowned. "She's looked…off since we first saw her."

"There's something different today. It's like…something is breaking. I'm telling you…it's different."

"What do you think it is?"

"I don't know. But I have a very strong feeling…that something is going to change," she said grimly.

Edward tensed. "Do you think she's going to leave? Did we push her too far?" He paused. "Did I push her too far?" he muttered under his breath.

"I have no idea."

When lunch ended Edward and Alice darted quickly to the classroom; but Bella wasn't there yet. He walked slowly to his seat and sat down. He felt the anxiety begin at the thought of her leaving; at the thought that perhaps, in the short time he had been away from her, that she had already gone. She had spent her lunch once again in the library, and he thought it would be best to give her that time; that space. And now panic was beginning to build that she may have taken that time to go.

But just as it began to truly hit he saw her walk quickly through the door and take her seat next to him. She never looked in his direction, instead staring in the opposite direction at nothing in particular. He breathed a sigh of relief and sat back in his seat, running his hand over his face.

Soon the bell rang and the teacher began lecturing. His mind was, of course, on Bella. But hers seemed to be far away as her gaze stayed rooted to the wall. Soon the teacher began questioning the class about the particulars of what he had been discussing. Eventually he asked a question directed to Bella.

"Amber? Amber, are you listening? Amber!" His voice became slightly harsh.

Finally Bella turned her eyes to him questioningly. It was apparent she had no idea what he was talking about.

"I'm sorry?"

"You know, you don't seem to respond very well when I'm calling on you. Is there any particular reason for that?" he asked in an annoyed tone.

All eyes were on her and she hesitated noticeably before answering. "I'm…not used to going by that name I guess," she mumbled, looking down at the desktop.

"Well, is there something I should refer to you by that may get your attention better?"

Edward saw her hesitate again, as if she were debating. She finally sighed. "My middle name," she answered quietly.

"Which is?"

She looked up and met his gaze, her face decided somehow. "Bella."


	10. Chapter 10 No More Hiding

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- Do you know what you get when you take a stay at home mom and have her spend a few days working on campaign stuff because voting is today? You get one thoroughly exhausted girl, that's what. So that is why I took so long to update...if I had tried to write with how tired I was, trust me, it would not have been recognizable. On a happier note...over 10,000 hits, and more than 50 reviews last chapter!!! That just makes me so happy! I love you guys, and I'm glad you like the story. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I hope you continue to enjoy!**

* * *

"Something's changed," Alice said firmly.

"I know."

"Do you know what it is?"

Bella sighed. "Kind of…I guess. I think I just kind of…hid in myself. Like in a corner in my mind or something. I don't know. Anything I say will probably sound crazy."

"No, it doesn't sound crazy. You…you went through so much. I think maybe you came out a lot better than others might."

"I don't. I still…I kind of don't really know who I am. I have memories of my human life but…most are faint. And then I have this life. And there aren't really too many significant memories from it…because it wasn't a real life. I was just…" she sighed again. "I don't know…I don't know how to explain it."

"But now things can be different."

"I'm not sure they can. And, even if they can…I'm not sure I want them to be. I don't want…complications."

Alice eyed her carefully. "I don't believe you. I know…I know you still…"

"So," Bella interrupted her quickly, not wanting to hear the rest. "It doesn't make much of a difference."

"So stubborn, both of you," Alice muttered under her breath. She sighed. "I wish I could see your future."

"You can't?"

"Nope. Jasper can't feel you either. We talked to Carlisle about it. He thinks that it's your ability. Like when you were human, Edward couldn't read your mind, like it was private. Well, now he just thinks the rest of you is private. And we can't touch it. It's very frustrating."

"Huh."

They were both silent for a few minutes.

"Are you…are you ever going to talk to him?"

Bella looked at her with narrowed eyes. "I've talked to him."

"I mean really talk to him."

"Don't Alice." She looked away.

"Fine," she said in a frustrated tone. "But it will happen. I don't need to see the future to know that."

Bella stood. "I have to go."

"Hey, I didn't mean to upset you," Alice said quickly, standing with her.

She smiled wryly. "You didn't. But I do have to go. I'll be late for work if I don't leave soon."

Alice frowned. "Oh yeah. You know, you could always…"

"Bye Alice," she interrupted as she began walking away, not waiting to hear the rest.

"So stubborn," she heard her mutter once again.

The last few days had been different. Very different. She felt like she had been watching a movie. She knew the main character was her; or rather, was supposed to be her. But she hadn't been playing the part. She had been watching from the sidelines. And all of a sudden, she was thrown in. And now she wasn't quite sure what to do.

Because now she knew who she was. She was Bella. But she wasn't exactly sure who Bella was now. Because she definitely wasn't the same Bella from before. She just couldn't be. But she wasn't this shell anymore either, hiding from everything and everyone.

She wasn't sure who Bella was; who she was. She was sure, however, what she wanted. With everything that had changed in the last seventy five years…that had not.

Edward. She still wanted Edward. Looking at him now wasn't the same as looking at him had been before. Now that she wasn't hiding anymore, now that she had actually let herself come out, she saw him in, not a new light, but the same light she had seen him in all those years ago.

And that was terrifying, for so many reasons. First, she wasn't sure if she could let herself go that far. Right now she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she loved him. But she still hadn't really opened up that part of herself. She had to keep it closed; because she didn't think she could handle the pain it was sure to bring.

And then, of course, there was the glaringly obvious; he hadn't wanted her. He had told her so himself. The stab of pain she felt when she thought of that was, surprisingly, a slight comfort. It was, of course, painful. But pain was something she was long used to by now.

The feeling of being alive, however, she was not. Even the end of her human life, while having been slightly revived by Jacob, hadn't felt as alive as she felt now. She found that slightly ironic, considering that now she was actually dead.

But he was there. And just his presence made her feel that way. And now when she looked at him she saw something that terrified and thrilled her all at the same time.

She saw her future. She saw it as she had seen it before. As an eternity with him. But there was always that part of her that screamed no. It told her that it wasn't possible, that she couldn't let it happen. At the worst of times it told her that's not what he wanted anyway.

She didn't know if she could let herself go that far, if she could open herself to that kind of possibility. But she always asked herself, if she could…would it really make a difference?

* * *

Bella walked quickly, looking down, brushing what dirt she could off of her clothes. Nights in warehouses wasn't exactly a glamorous job. She was usually pretty dirty by the end of the shift. 

"Bella."

She looked up quickly to see Edward standing just a few feet in front of her. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought I might take you home," he said with slight hesitation in his voice.

She kept trying to brush the dirt off. "I can get home fine on my own," she mumbled.

"Well, why don't you just humor me?" He stared at her intently.

She sighed. "I'll probably get your car dirty."

He smiled, and she felt like she might just fall over right then and there. It was his crooked smile, the one that she loved so much. The one that she hadn't seen in so long. The one that, even after all this time, her reaction to hadn't changed one bit.

"I think the car will survive."

"Alright," she sighed again. She followed him, only slightly reluctant, to where he was parked. He opened the door and she slid in. He closed it and got in the driver's side.

He began driving, both of them remaining silent. She wasn't sure how she felt, being alone with him, so close. No, that wasn't true. She knew how she felt. She just wasn't sure if it was very smart.

"I see your adherence to traffic laws hasn't changed much," she muttered, watching the dark trees fly by out the window.

She saw him grin from the corner of her eye and had to turn away. This was all just so familiar, and it pulled at her.

"The speed limit has gone up," he said pointedly.

"Not to a hundred and five."

"I've still never gotten a ticket."

"I bet," she mumbled.

They were both silent again.

"What changed?" he finally asked quietly.

She hesitated before answering. "I…I don't know. I stopped hiding, I guess."

"And are you glad?"

"I'm not sure if 'glad' is a word I can use right now," she said, her voice harsh. She saw him wince slightly and sighed. "I don't know what I am." Her voice was softer this time.

"But you are Bella." His voice sounded slightly triumphant.

"Yeah," she mumbled as she looked out the window.

He sighed. "Can you ever forgive me for what I've done to you?"

She looked down into her lap, wringing her hands together. She stayed silent.

"Because it wouldn't be surprising if you couldn't."

"I don't know," she said in almost a whisper. "I don't know anything." She spoke up this time. "I don't even really know what I'm feeling; I don't know who I am. I don't know what I'm supposed to do…or what I'm not supposed to do. I just…don't know."

"But it's different than before?"

"Yes. Before it's like I was watching what was happening from the sidelines. Now I'm actually in the game. I'm not sure which one was better."

"Would you rather be like that?"

"Sometimes, yes. It's easier than…than actually having to live."

"And the other times?"

She began fidgeting again. "Sometimes it's nice to actually feel alive, I guess." She glanced over at him, and he smiled.

"Yes it is," he said quietly.

She looked down again, saying nothing. Soon the car came to a stop and she realized they had arrived. She hadn't even been paying attention to the time, or the driving for that matter. Only him.

"I didn't even tell you where I lived," she muttered.

"You didn't tell me the first time either," he grinned.

They sat there for a long time, just staring at each other, saying nothing.

"I have to go," she finally said quickly.

"I know," he sighed. "Thank you…for letting me bring you home."

"Thanks for bringing me."

"I guess I'll see you in just a few hours."

"Yeah."

He gave her a small smile. "Goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight Edward."

* * *

**A/N- And now I must give credit where credit is due. The idea of Bella hiding in her own mind is not mine; it belongs to Alice Laughed, and her story Waiting For Dawn (which is amazingly amazing, if you haven't read it you need to do so). Also, while Bella's ability is slightly different in her story, the idea of hers is what made me choose mine. They're different, but the credit still goes to her. Thanks!**


	11. Chapter 11 Happy

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- So, I had to write a talk for church this week, and I have been editing like CRAZY, therefore, longer waits on chapters. Plus, my 21 month old has decided it's time to go ahead and just start acting like a two year old now, hence many many temper tantrums. Needless to say I've been busy. But I finally got another chapter written (yay!) so here it is. Thanks so much for the great reviews I've been getting, I really appreciate them! I love hearing what you guys think about the story, both good and bad! Thanks, and I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

She looked up forlornly at the house. Other than its occupants, it hadn't changed much. She pictured the cruiser parked in the drive and closed her eyes against the pain that hit her full force.

That was the worst part about not hiding anymore. When she thought of those things the pain wasn't as dull as it had once been. It was sharp and it pierced her. She couldn't imagine what her parents must have gone through. All because of her.

"Is this the first time you've been here?"

She whirled around to see Edward standing just a few feet back. She was always so caught up in her thoughts that she never noticed his approach the way she should have. "Yes," she said quietly as she turned to look back at it once again. "I…I don't even know what happened to them."

Edward cleared his throat slightly. "I do," he almost whispered.

She turned slowly to look at him again. Her face must have said it all, because she didn't have to utter a single word.

"I…did a little research," he admitted.

She swallowed hard and closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them he had taken a step closer to her.

"Do you…want me to tell you?" he asked quietly.

She stared at him for a minute before nodding weakly. He hesitantly took a few more steps forward, until he was close enough to touch. She made no move to step back, only looking at him intently. He slowly reached his hand out and took hers in it.

As soon as he touched her she felt a jolt go through her. She felt her eyes widen as she continued to stare. He seemed to have some kind of reaction also; she heard his sharp intake of breath. She looked down quickly at their joined hands. She raised her eyes up to his again, a part of her brain telling her to pull her hand away. But she didn't listen.

Edward squeezed her hand slightly before speaking. "Charlie…had a heart attack," he said, his voice pained.

She closed her eyes, fighting back the sob she felt in the back of her throat. She felt Edward squeeze her hand again, and after awhile she opened her eyes again. He stared at her sadly. "My mom?" she croaked.

"She…she had another child."

She felt her eyes widen once again. "A…baby?"

"About a year after…it happened. It was a girl. She named her Marie Isabella," he continued softly.

Bella swallowed hard, saying nothing.

"She passed away when she was eighty five; Phil died ten years later."

"They were still married?" she asked in a daze.

"Yes."

"And their…their daughter?"

"She died just three years ago…cancer."

She stood there, lost in her own thoughts for awhile. "They all had really long lives," she mused.

"Yes, they did."

She glanced back at the house. "But not Charlie," she said sadly. "It's…it was my fault," she murmured.

Edward tugged hard on her hand and she whirled back around to look at him. "None of this is your fault Bella," he said firmly. "You have absolutely no blame here."

She only shook her head sadly.

"What happened to you was in no way your fault. It was mine Bella. Please, please understand that." He looked at her imploringly, and she quickly looked down at the ground. "I cannot bear for you to blame yourself, after all you have been through," he choked out.

She looked up at him again. His face was tortured. She longed to reach out and touch it, but she didn't dare. She didn't think she was ready for that. "It's not your fault Edward."

"Yes it is," he almost growled. "Everything that happened is my fault. Not only did I cause it, but I also failed to prevent it. And you must understand that. How could it not be my fault?"

"You can't take the blame for everything," she muttered. "Just because…" She trailed off, looking away again.

"Just because what?" She knew he was staring at her, but she refused to meet his gaze.

She sighed in frustration. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Can we…can we please just go?" She looked back up at him. He was staring at her, slightly confused, slightly frustrated himself.

"Of course," he said quietly.

She looked down to see their hands still intertwined. He began walking toward his car, never dropping her hand. She followed behind quietly. He opened her door without a word and then went around to his side.

The drive was completely silent. Bella stared out the window, thinking about everything she had just learned. And thinking about what she had almost said.

It wasn't Edward's fault. He couldn't take the blame for everything just because he hadn't wanted to be with her. That was his choice. And she couldn't hold everything against him for that.

She also couldn't let him hold everything against himself. But she wasn't ready to talk about that just yet. She was sure it would bring on pain that she needed to be prepared for, and she wasn't right now.

When they reached the school they went to their first class in silence. The rest of the morning proceeded that way, with them never saying a word to each other. When the bell for lunch finally rang Edward stood and waited for her to do so.

When she stood and looked at him he only stared back. But she knew what he was thinking. She nodded just slightly and they made their way to the cafeteria side by side.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed when they reached the table with their tray of food.

She gave her a small smile and sat down in the chair opposite her, Edward sitting next to her.

"It's about time," Emmett said with a big grin. His smile was totally infectious, and she couldn't help but grin back.

There was uncomfortable silence for just a moment before Emmett broke it. "So…heard anything interesting today Edward?"

"Not particularly," he replied.

"Oh come on…there has to be something."

"Hmmm…well, the captain of the football team is wondering whether he could take you on. He's contemplating starting a fight…he thinks it might impress Rosalie," he answered with a smile.

Alice snorted loudly. Bella just shook her head, smiling.

"Really?" Emmett said emphatically. "Well, maybe I should just have a little chat with him."

"Be serious Emmett," Rosalie said, swatting him on the arm.

"Awww, come on, I won't hurt him. I'll just…scare him a little." He grinned wickedly.

"Yeah, I'm sure Carlisle would love that," Jasper said, smiling despite himself.

Alice closed her eyes briefly. "No Emmett, that won't be such a good idea. I don't see it…ending very well."

"Always ruining my fun," he said with mock sadness, shaking his head.

"See what you've been missing Bella?" Jasper said, smiling at her. "But don't worry, you'll catch up fast. Emmett only wants to beat the crap out of people about every three days or so."

Bella laughed loudly, shaking her head. She saw Edward turn his head to look at her, an almost amazed look on his face. At first she was confused; but she quickly realized why as she looked around to see everyone else slightly surprised, trying hard to hide it.

She couldn't really remember the last time she had laughed. Or felt remotely happy. But here with them, being a part of their easy banter, really did make her happy. She felt almost…content somehow. And it felt nice, not to focus on the pain, not to feel totally empty. She found herself surprised that no part of her told her to force it away.

"Hey, in all fairness, it's usually the same people…I just refocus on them," he said, playing defensive, smiling at Bella.

"Yeah, I bet," she chuckled.

"How could he even wonder about that?" Alice asked. "Can he not see that you're about three times the size of him?"

"Well…he tends to be more focused on Rosalie than anything else," Edward said.

"Human boys usually are," Rosalie said nonchalantly.

"I'll give him something else to focus on," Emmett said, almost angrily this time.

"Knock it off," Rosalie admonished. "Who cares…it's not like it's a big deal."

Just then the bell rang and they all stood, making their way to their various classes. Bella, Edward, and Alice all went to their classroom, Edward sitting down next to Bella. When she looked over at him he smiled widely at her. She was in such a good mood that she found herself grinning back, then looked down at her desktop quickly.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, and Bella found herself walking out toward the parking lot with Edward and Alice after the last class let out.

"Bella, please come over today before you have to be at work," Alice pleaded, looking at her imploringly.

"Uh, actually, I don't have to work today."

"Perfect! No excuses then," she said happily, looping her arm through Bella's and smiling.

"I'm getting the feeling I don't have an actual option here."

"If you'd like we can pretend that you do," Alice said pointedly.

"Alright," she sighed. "But if I hear anything about a mall, I'm gone."

"Awww, come…" She trailed off. She looked around quickly, sniffing the air. Both she and Bella stopped walking.

"Ugh, what is that smell?" Bella asked, wrinkling her nose. She looked over at Edward, whose lips were set in a grim line.

"It seems…that we have some visitors," he said harshly.


	12. Chapter 12 Warning

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story, with the exclusion of a few, belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

* * *

"What do you mean visi…" Bella trailed off, her jaw dropping as three people quickly came into view.

A low growl sounded from Emmett. Edward turned to look at him with narrowed eyes. "Don't," he hissed in barely more than a whisper. "Don't make it worse."

Bella started walking forward slowly. Alice grabbed her arm, but she yanked it away forcefully and continued on.

"Stop," the one in front said firmly.

"I….I don't…it's not…Jacob?" All of her words were choked.

"Bella," he said harshly. But she could hear something else in his voice. Some kind of longing.

"How…how is this…"

"I think what Bella may be trying to say," Edward began as he walked to Bella.

"How old are you?" she interrupted, staring at Jacob wide eyed the entire time.

"I'm two years younger than you…same as always."

"How? How are you so…young? Did…did you get bit or something?"

The girl to Jacob's left snorted. Bella looked at her closely. She looked vaguely familiar, but Bella couldn't quite place her. Same with the man to his right. She was sure she knew who they were…but she couldn't make herself remember.

"I…I don't understand," she said in a daze.

"We didn't get bit," Jacob said tersely. "We're werewolves. Remember?"

"That makes you stay young?"

"As long as we keep turning, we don't age. If we stop, we'll start aging again."

"Why do you smell so bad?" She bit her lip right after she said it, afraid she would offend him.

He laughed a cold laugh. "I guess we must smell as good to you as you do to us."

"Can we get on with this?" the girl said impatiently, glaring over at Bella.

"And you're a werewolf too?" Bella asked incredulously, staring at her.

"Obviously," she said, rolling her eyes.

"If you're here to remind us, we're already well aware," Edward said calmly from Bella's side. She looked over at him, surprised; she hadn't realized he was right next to her.

"Remind us of what? What is going on here?"

Jacob merely glared at Edward for a minute before turning his eyes back to Bella. "The treaty. We wanted to make sure it was still well understood."

"Treaty? What treaty?" Bella asked in confusion.

"We're not going to bite anyone," Alice hissed from Bella's other side.

"Bite someone?"

"Our kind made a treaty with your…leader long ago. We leave them…we leave you guys alone…just as long as you don't bite anyone. If you do, the treaty is broken…and we kill you." Jacob said all of this calmly, staring at Bella.

"You think I'm going to bite someone?" Bella asked incredulously.

"That's what _your_ kind does," the girl next to Jacob sneered. "You're…"

"Quiet Leah," Jacob said firmly.

Leah. That sounded right. It sounded familiar. But Bella still couldn't think of how she knew her. The man to Jacob's right kept sneaking glances at her, looking away any time she met his eyes.

Leah's mouth snapped shut and she looked over at him menacingly. "This is just a…fair warning. We want to make sure everything is still understood properly."

"We understand," Edward said. "There will not be any problems."

Jacob glared at him again. "I hope not…for your sake. I'm sure you know you would be the first I would take out," he practically growled.

"I'm well aware."

"This…this is…"

"We need to go," Jacob said curtly, now avoiding Bella's gaze. They turned to walk away.

"Jake wait!" Bella yelled desperately.

He turned slowly, his eyes closed, his thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose. "What?" he finally sighed.

"Can't we…can't I…"

"Not now Bella. Maybe…maybe another time." He turned and began walking away again quickly with the others.

Bella stayed rooted in place, staring after them until they were out of sight. Finally Edward touched her arm softly. She turned her head, in a daze, to look at him.

"I…I don't think I really understand what just happened," she finally breathed.

'Come on," he said quietly and pulled her toward the car. He opened the passenger door and got her seated.

* * *

"Well I suppose it was to be expected," Carlisle said with a sigh, walking back and forth in the living room.

"Expected? You expected them all to be young still and giving us warnings?" Bella asked incredulously.

"No, not that. Although I was aware that they could refrain from aging. I meant I should have expected the treaty to be brought up. It has been each time we've returned to this area."

"I can't believe he would…"

"It has nothing to do with you Bella," Carlisle interrupted softly. "It's us. I made this treaty with them. They weren't there so much as a warning to you as to us. It's just the way things are between our kind and them. They take the treaty, and their duty, very seriously."

"I think I knew all of them," she said quietly. "But…I…I can't…"

"The girl's name is Leah Clearwater. The boy's is Embry Call," Edward supplied

Bella's eyes widened. "Embry! I do remember him! He…he was friends with Jacob. And Clearwater sounds familiar…really familiar."

"Her…her father was good friends with Charlie," Edward said quietly.

"Charlie," she breathed. "I…I think I do remember. She had a younger brother."

"They have a lot of nerve…" Emmett began angrily.

"No, they don't," Carlisle interrupted firmly. "This is their job…there is nothing wrong. They did not threaten us; they were merely reminding us of the treaty."

"That Jacob guy practically threatened Edward!" Alice said hurriedly. "He told him he would be the first one he would take out. That's…"

"That is for a different reason that has nothing to do with the rest of you," Edward interrupted her, lowering his head.

"Why didn't I see them coming?" Alice demanded quickly. "I should have seen something!"

"I don't know. But I don't expect there to be any problems between them and us. We are not going to bite anyone, and I believe they will leave us be as long as we follow the treaty."

"Why did he threaten Edward then?" Emmett asked harshly.

Edward looked up slowly to meet his gaze. Finally his eyes turned to Bella. They were pained. He looked at her for a long time before saying anything. "Because…he blames me…for Bella," he said in a whisper.

He stared at Bella for a moment more before turning and walking to the stairs, climbing them slowly and disappearing from sight.


	13. Chapter 13 Opening Up

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- I have been in such a rut with this story lately. I was not really happy with the last chapter I posted, and I felt like I just couldn't come up with anything good. Finally I sat down tonight and it started coming. I hope what came is good. I know you guys have had to wait millions of years for updates, and I'm so so sorry, but I haven't felt like I've been writing well lately. I hope you like this chapter, and hopefully the inspiration will keep coming. Thanks for the reviews, and thanks for reading even though it's taking so long to get out, I really appreciate it guys!**

* * *

Edward stood looking out the window. He finally closed his eyes tightly and began pacing again.

He blamed himself a hundred times a day for what had happened to Bella. He didn't need another reminder. Especially the reminder he had gotten today.

He had seen so many images in Jacob's mind. Images he knew must have been Bella when he had first left. She had looked awful. Skinny and pale. Frail looking and…dead somehow. How many times had he killed her? Her spirit, her mind. How had he put the one person he loved most in this world through so much?

He had seen images of Bella and Jacob together. He had slowly seen Bella transform, not into her old self, but into someone that was at least alive somehow. And he knew Jacob had done that. That not only had Jacob become someone special to her, but that he had repaired damage that Edward had caused.

And he had seen how much Jacob had loved her. How much he had wanted to be with her. Something in him still loved her. Not the way he had then, but there was still something there. He had wanted to give Bella a life; the kind of life Edward had wanted her to have. When Jacob had looked at Bella he had seen his future. That thought hurt Edward in so many ways.

A part of him was angry that Jacob had thought of her that way. He felt like such a hypocrite. Jacob had wanted to give her the kind of life he had left so she could have, and a part of him, a large part, hated him for it. He couldn't stand for anyone else to look at Bella that way.

In Edward's mind Bella belonged to him. It was not a thought he could let go of. He knew he had no right to claim her in any way; but he still did. And seeing Jacob's mind, seeing the claim he had once had to her, tore him apart.

And at the same time it hurt him that she had never had the opportunity to have that life with him. He knew that Jacob had really loved her; that he would have taken care of her, would have tried his best to make her happy. Would have given her the life that Edward had dreamed and prayed she would have.

But he had seen images of Bella rejecting Jacob too. And, as selfish as it was, it made him happy. He knew it was because of him; because of them. Because of what they had had. Jacob had known that, and had still fought so hard for her.

The worst image had come when Jacob had made his threat, if you could call it that. He saw Bella lying on the floor, writhing in agony. He saw her through Jacob's eyes when she had been changed. He saw the blood at her neck. He saw her wide, terrified eyes. He saw them plead with Jacob to save her. And he saw the pain on her face when he had left her.

It was starting to feel like there would never be a way to make things right with her. That there would never be anything he could do to make up for everything he had done to her. His chest tightened horribly at that thought, at the thought that he would never be able to make it better. He had to make things better for Bella.

And he needed to be with her. He needed his life to be with her, in every way it could be. The urge to reach out and touch her, hold her, kiss her, became stronger each day. But he didn't feel like he was getting closer to that point.

He wanted so desperately to fix her, to heal her. To rebuild her faith, her hope, her trust in him. He needed to do that, more than he had ever needed to do anything.

"Edward."

He spun around quickly, pulled immediately from his thoughts of Bella…by Bella. He hadn't even heard her come in. She shut the door quietly behind her and just stood there, looking at him. Her eyes weren't the soft brown color they had been so long ago, but they still had the same effect on him. Getting lost in them was still the best feeling he had ever experienced.

He cleared his throat, looking away for merely a second before returning her stare again. "I…didn't hear you come in."

"Sorry…I didn't knock," she said softly.

He gave her a small smile. "Don't apologize."

"Are you…are you alright?" She looked down at her hands as she asked.

"I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly. I'm ok."

She looked back up at him blankly for a moment before finally raising an eyebrow questioningly.

"Really," he persisted.

"I think you used to be better at lying."

He sighed. "Please do not worry about me Bella. That is the last thing I want you to do."

She looked back down at her hands, fidgeting with her fingers.

"Would you…like to sit down?"

She never looked up, instead just walking over to the couch and sitting on the furthest edge. He stared at her for a minute, her eyes still on the floor, before he finally walked back over to the window and looked out again, sighing.

"What…what are you thinking?" he heard her ask quietly.

He continued staring out the window, debating for only a moment before responding. "Do you hate me?" he asked softly.

The room was silent for what felt like forever. He never turned to look at her, thinking it would be better if he wasn't staring right at her.

He was beginning to think she wasn't going to answer when she finally spoke.

"I…was really angry for a long time. And then I was sad. And then I think I went back to angry. A lot of times I blamed you. For…everything, I guess. I was more bitter than anything. Sometimes I told myself to hate you…I tried to force myself to. But I…I never could."

She sighed heavily and he finally turned to look at her. Her face looked almost conflicted somehow, like maybe she was holding something back.

"What?"

She looked at him briefly before looking away at a spot on the wall, twisting her hands in her lap.

"It's still so frustrating that I can't hear you," he sighed. "Your thoughts were the only ones I ever wanted to know."

Her eyes darted back to his, a look in them he couldn't quite place, before turning back to their spot on the wall.

"I…even though I wasn't…really me, the other…personalities…no, that's not right I guess." She sighed, looking like she was trying to compose her thoughts before beginning again. "Even when I was empty…or when I thought I was empty…all I ever thought about…was you."

This time when she looked at him she didn't turn her eyes away. "Every moment," she murmured quietly. "Sometimes it made me so mad that I couldn't not think about you. My…memories of you were the only clear ones I ever had. They were…flawless. Even when I forgot a lot of things about my human life…you were always so clear."

He stared into her eyes. And she looked right back at him. He felt almost breathless. Her effect on him hadn't changed; it never would. He knew what he wanted, what he needed, was to go to her. But he couldn't push her. He couldn't stand if she pulled away from him. Right now she was bringing herself closer to him, finally opening up, and he couldn't do anything to ruin that.

"Bella." He took a deep breath. "Oh Bella," he murmured softly. "You are the only thing I have thought of since the first time I laid eyes on you. Every thought that meant anything was you. You…were my life. You are my life. That has not, nor will it ever, change."

He stared at her momentarily before advancing forward. But when he was only a few feet away he saw her cringe back slightly. He stopped short.

She looked away for a long time. When she finally looked back he gave her a small smile and held out his hand.

"Why don't we go downstairs? I'm quite sure Alice will massacre me if she doesn't get some quality time with you."

She gave him a small smile and put her hand in his. She stood and they began walking toward the door.

When they were a few feet away she stopped suddenly. He turned and looked at her. She stood there, looking at him, her face looking slightly indecisive before a resolved expression came over it. She let go of his hand.

And slowly, hesitantly, she took a small step toward him. He just stared into her eyes, his breath catching in his throat.

Tentatively she brought her arms up around his neck, pulling her body slightly closer to his.

It only took a moment for the shock to subside and him to respond. He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her body tightly to his. He felt her stiffen slightly, but it was only a second before her body relaxed into his. She laid her head on his chest and took a deep breath.

He trembled slightly. It had been so long since he had been this close to her. Too long. All he wanted was to hold her forever. But even if this was all she ever gave him, it would be enough. To be standing there, with her in his arms, was so completely perfect. He felt like crying out with joy. Instead he just held to her tightly, dropping his head to her hair and inhaling her scent, just as he could feel her doing.

"Edward," she murmured.

'Bella," he whispered.

They stood there like that for a few minutes, more than he could have hoped for, but never enough.

She finally pulled away and he sighed, looking down into her face. Her perfect, beautiful face. The only thing he needed to see for the rest of eternity. She had a small smile playing on her lips. He wanted nothing more than to lean down and press his to hers. But he knew he couldn't push.

"What?" he finally asked softly.

"You're…not cold anymore."


	14. Chapter 14 Lies

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- I have had the worst writer's block ever with this story. I'm not used to writing Edward and Bella, and sometimes it really just won't come. Finally I was sitting here tonight editing, and SOMETHING finally came! I know it's a short chapter, but it's what came for now, and I have a feeling it will help get things started again. Thanks so much to all of you who have been patient with me, even though it's taking me a million years to update. I appreciate it so much! I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"It's amazing with all the patience we've gained over the years, and I'm still so utterly impatient with Bella," Edward murmured.

"You seem pretty patient with her," Alice countered.

Edward rose from the couch and began pacing the living room. "I hope it appears so…to her in the very least. But I don't feel patient Alice. I feel like I'm going out of my mind."

"You know you have to go slow…"

"Of course I know that," he interrupted. "But it's just so…damn hard! These years we've spent apart…they were the slowest, most agonizing of my existence. And now that she's here, now that I have her back, it's so hard to…hold myself back."

Alice giggled. "You make it sound like you want to pounce on her."

Edward rolled his eyes. "It's not just something physical…although I won't deny that that aspect has proven to be…difficult also. I wish she would open up to me. Talk to me. Really talk to me. Bella's the only thing that has ever been a true mystery to me. From the time I first laid eyes on her."

He continued pacing. "Now she's become…one of us, and that mystery is more frustrating than ever! Now I know nothing as to how she feels. At least then she told me. Or I could read it on her face. Hear it in her heartbeat…something! I didn't know everything, but I knew much more than I do now."

"To not be able to reach out and just touch her…hold her hand, stroke her cheek…it's utter torture! Does it even appear that I'm getting any closer to…anything with her?" He looked at Alice questioningly.

"Slowly but surely she's coming out from the walls she built up around herself," Alice answered. "It's a slow process though…we can't expect anything more. None of us…except perhaps for Carlisle…know what she's been through these last years. She was completely alone. She had no one there for her. And now that she does…it's a big adjustment I'm sure."

Edward sat back on the couch, running his hand through his hair. "I know I need to be patient. I just…I want to know how she's feeling. What she's feeling. If she's feeling anything remotely…" He trailed off, heaving a big sigh.

"Edward," began Alice hesitantly. "Have you really given her a reason to open up to you?"

Edward's eyes darted to look at her. "What do you mean? I've been trying like crazy!"

"Yes. You've tried to show her you're here for her. You've tried being her friend. But if you really want her to open up to you…you need to…tell her the truth," Alice finished quietly.

"I have not lied to Bella. I've been perfectly honest with her!"

"Yes…now. But you weren't then. Are you forgetting what you told Bella the day you left her?"

Edward felt like he had been slapped across the face as the memory of that afternoon rushed into his mind.

"_Ok, let's talk," Bella said firmly, though her voice shook slightly. Edward could see the panic in her eyes as he stood leaning on the tree across from her._

_He took a deep breath. "Bella, we're leaving."_

_Bella took a deep breath too. Edward saw a little of the fear leave her eyes as she spoke. "Why now? Another year…"_

"_Bella, it's time," he forced himself to go on. He had practiced this in his head endlessly, knowing he needed to pull it off just right to get the results he so desperately desired. "How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."_

_He watched her face quickly become confused. He cursed at the fact that he couldn't read her mind for the millionth time as he tried to discern her thoughts from her expression. _

_He forced himself to look at her harshly. To look at his Bella, his beautiful Bella, as if he didn't love her more than anything in this world._

_Finally a look of comprehension came over her beautiful face, and she looked as if she might be sick. He hated himself for what he was doing to her. But he knew he needed to do it. He couldn't be selfish with her any longer._

"_When you say 'we'," she whispered._

"_I mean my family and myself." _

_He stood there, keeping his face hard, waiting for what seemed like hours for her to respond. He had lived for decades, and time had begun to start going by fairly quickly. But those few minutes out there with her, breaking her heart as he knew he was doing, seemed endless._

_She shook her head back and forth a few times as if trying to clear it, then took a little time before speaking._

"_Okay, I'll come with you."_

_She'll move on. Eventually, she'll move on. She won't be a monster, she won't love a monster. She'll have a full life. He had been repeating these things to himself over and over, forcing himself to accept them as truth._

"_You can't Bella. Where we're going…it's not the right place for you."_

"_Where you are is the right place for me," she automatically responded._

_She'll move on. She'll forget. She'll be happy._

"_I'm no good for you Bella."_

"_Don't be ridiculous," she said, her voice pleading. "You're the very best part of my life."_

"_My world is not for you," he said coldly, trying to keep himself composed. _

"_What happened with Jasper, that was nothing Edward…nothing!"_

"_You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected." The image of Jasper lunging at Bella played its way through his head for what felt like the millionth time, and he had to fight to keep up the charade he was trying to present._

"_You promised! In Phoenix, you promised you would stay…"_

"_As long as that was best for you," he interrupted._

"_No!" she shouted, the pain and agony and desperation of her words evident in her voice. "This is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you…it's yours already!"_

_He could hear the sincerity in every word she spoke. She meant it all. But even if she didn't care, or thought she didn't care, he did. He refused to damn her to this kind of life. And Jasper had made it perfectly clear the dangers of her being around while human. He had to leave her. He had to go and let her make a real life for herself. The kind of life she was supposed to have. Without him._

_He took a deep breath and turned his eyes to the ground. He stared down, preparing himself for what he had to do. He felt his mouth twitch slightly, like it was anticipating the words that were about to come out and was trying to fight them off. He made sure his gaze was as hard, as cold, as unfeeling as he could possibly make it before he looked up at her again._

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me," he said slowly, deliberately. _

_He felt a terrible ache in his chest as soon as the words left his mouth. He had told many lies throughout his existence. But none of them even compared to the one he was trying to pull of now. He almost expected her to laugh; to say there was no way he didn't want her, that she knew how much he loved her. He stared at her carefully, watching for a hint as to how she would respond._

_She paused for a few moments before speaking. "You…don't…want me?" she said in a pained, confused voice._

"_No," he forced himself to say in the same deliberate tone he had used before._

_She stared right into his eyes, and he stared back, trying desperately to keep his expression constant. He needed her to believe this. He needed her to let go. To be able to move on and find the life that was meant for her._

"_Well, that changes things," she said calmly._

_He looked away into the trees. "Of course, I'll always love you…in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." He turned his eyes back to her and mustered up the coldest, most menacing glare he could manage to give to Bella, his Bella. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."_

"_Don't," she whispered, the slight edge of panic back in her voice, her eyes wide. "Don't do this."_

_He just stared for a moment before responding. "You're not good for me Bella."_

_And in that instant he saw it in her eyes. He saw her accept the massive lie he had just told. He saw her accept the fact that he did not love her, that he did not want to be with her. After the hundreds of times he had told her he loved her, it only took this one time to break that all down. She actually believed he didn't love her anymore. _

_Briefly he wondered if he had not proven his love well enough to her. If he had not made her feel that she was the only thing that mattered to him in this whole world. But he quickly pushed that thought away before it showed on his face, and continued looking at her harshly._

"_If…that's what you want," she said faintly._

_He nodded._

Edward's mind returned to the present as Alice began speaking again.

"I think, if you ever plan on getting anywhere with Bella…you had better tell her the truth."

"The truth," he murmured.

"It seems like you've been going into this with the idea that you love Bella, she knows that, and that she just needs to learn to love you again. But Edward…she doesn't know that. You told her you didn't love her anymore. You told her you didn't want to be with her anymore."

"She…she couldn't have actually believed…"

"She did Edward…I really think she did."

He sat there for a long time before turning his eyes to Alice. "Do you really think…that she actually…thinks I don't love her?"

"Yes Edward," she said sadly. "I do."


	15. Chapter 15 Whatever It Takes

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- Sadly, this story is still coming excrutiatingly slowly, but I was finally able to put another chapter down. Thanks so much for all your wonderful reviews and for being so patient. My readers and reviewers rock...enjoy!**

* * *

Edward jumped up off the couch and began pacing again. "No. No…she couldn't have thought…all this time…"

"Edward, be rational about this."

"I told her I loved her hundreds of times! I told her she was everything to me, that…"

"Edward, think about this," Alice interrupted. "Yes, you told her you loved her hundreds of times. But you told her once that you didn't love her, that you didn't want to be with her. Imagine if it were reversed. What if Bella had come to you just once and told you that she didn't love you, didn't want to be with you? Would you have believed her?"

Edward stopped pacing, looking down at the floor, and remained silent.

Alice went over and placed a hand comfortingly on his shoulder. "You would have believed her Edward. You went there that day to convince her. You did Edward. You succeeded…she bought it."

"For…for _seventy five_ years she has thought that…that I didn't love her," he choked out.

She gave him a small smile. "You did what you did with the very best intentions. But it wasn't the right thing. And if you want to make it right…you will have to tell Bella the truth."

"All this time," he murmured.

* * *

"I do believe…that Alice is probably right," Carlisle said sadly from behind his desk.

Edward sat in a chair in front of him, his elbows resting on his knees, and ran a hand frustratingly through his hair. "I never even thought about it this way! I just…when I saw her again…when she saw me…I just thought she knew I loved her."

"Even if maybe she did believe that you still loved her then, when you left…she's had many years to convince herself otherwise. Years that have been spent alone and sad. Think about it Edward. If she did think you still loved her, and she was one of us…don't you think she would have searched us out? Looked for you? The only thing holding the two of you back when she knew you loved her was her being human. If she didn't try to find us after she was changed…it was most certainly…because she thought you…didn't want her."

He shook his head back and forth. "I thought I just needed to convince her she could trust me again. I didn't think I would need to convince her that…I love her."

Carlisle sighed, saying nothing.

"So what do I do?" he pleaded. "How do I fix this, how do I make it right?"

"You do just as Alice said…you tell her the truth."

Edward stood and began pacing. "What do I say to her? Oh, I was lying then, but I'm being truthful now? Why should she believe me?"

"She may not Edward, and that's something you need to prepare yourself for."

"How do I prepare for that? I…I can't imagine if she were to actually keep believing that I don't…care for her in that way. I can't even imagine her believing that for this long!"

"Edward…what did you believe would have happened if she remained human? Don't you think she would have gone through her life believing you didn't love her then also?"

"But this is different! She hasn't had a 'normal' life…by any means! If she had gone on being human, she would have most likely…loved, married, had children, and even if she did believe I didn't love her…it would have been different! She has been alone, and unhappy for the last seventy five years…believing the whole time that I didn't care for her!"

Carlisle stared at him intently before speaking. "Yes…she has," he said slowly. "And now, you need to take measures to change that. Edward, you can never go back and change those years you weren't there. All you can do is change the present. If you want to fix the way things are with you now…you must tell her the truth. But if you're just going to obsess over what has already taken place, over what you have no control over…you are wasting your time."

Edward sighed heavily. "But…don't you think that that is what she is thinking about…the past?"

"Of course…but a past that is not truthful. She is thinking of a past where you left her because you did not want to be with her. A past where you stopped loving her."

Edward let out a low, frustrated growl. He took a deep breath before speaking. "What if…I can't fix this?"

"You can't think that way," Carlisle said softly. "You love her…and I believe she still loves you too. That's all that matters. And you'll do whatever it takes."

"Last time I thought I was doing 'whatever it takes' this whole mess happened."

"Yes…and now you know…that leaving her was never, ever the answer."

* * *

Edward paced his room anxiously, reaching up to run his hand through his untidy hair every few minutes. How could he have been so blind?

Seventy five years…seventy five years she had gone thinking he didn't love her, thinking he didn't want to be with her. And his every single thought had been her!

It had seemed so right at the time, leaving. He had been convinced she would be better off. And now, the problems it had caused were huge. He had left. Bella had been changed. She had wanted to be changed…but by him, by his family. She had spent all these years alone. And not only alone, but thinking he didn't want her!

And he really hadn't even thought about that when she had come back into their lives. He really had believed that he only needed to regain her trust. But what Alice said…he knew it was true. He knew she thought he didn't love her.

And now…now he had so many different things running through his mind. Was he even regaining her trust in the slightest? Would he be able to convince her that he had been lying then, that he had loved her this whole time? And…did she love him?

He found it hard to believe she could after the things he had done. The others had told him on more than one occasion that they believed she did. Even through her sometimes coldness, her indifference…the still said they saw her love for him.

And if she didn't, could she love him again? He had always kind of believed that he just needed to resume their relationship from so many years ago. But now, he was sure he had to create a completely new one. Could he do that? Would she let him?

He had to. He had to get his Bella back.

* * *

Bella sighed as she walked away from the warehouse and saw Alice leaning against her car, grinning.

"I'm fully capable of getting myself home you know."

Alice's smile widened even further. "Hey, what else am I going to do?"

"Oh, that's right. Poor Alice, with nowhere to shop in the middle of the night," she teased.

"Sadly, no one has chosen to open a twenty four hour mall," Alice pouted.

"They'd be out of retail in a week with you around."

"Come on, get in." Alice opened the driver's side door and motioned toward the passenger side for Bella.

Bella opened the door and got in, closing it behind her.

"So how was work?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Oh, it was simply fascinating."

"You know…"

"Yes Alice, I know," she interrupted quickly, cutting her off. "You've only brought it up about a million times."

"Well…as soon as you agree to it, I'll stop bringing it up."

"I don't have to stay in this car you know," Bella said threateningly.

"Oh, but you will," Alice grinned mischievously.

Bella sighed, but said nothing.

"Can I…ask you something Bella?" she asked hesitantly.

Bella eyed her carefully. "Alright," she said slowly.

"Well, maybe a few things."

Bella just looked at her expectantly.

"We're friends, right?" Alice asked earnestly.

"Of course."

"And I know that I, at least, look at you like family. I think of you as my sister."

Bella gave her a small smile. "Of course I feel that way Alice," she said softly.

"And I think, if we are friends…well, more like sisters, really…we should be able to talk about anything."

"Is there something you want to talk to me about Alice?"

"There are many things I want to talk to you about. I just need to know if you're actually willing to talk about them."

"Some things don't need to be talked about," Bella said quietly.

"But…if I want to talk about them…"

Bella gave a frustrated sigh. "Why do you always insist on doing this Alice?"

"Why do you insist on keeping yourself so closed off?"

"I've done it for a long time now. It works."

"But you don't have to do it anymore. We're here…I'm here."

"It's…not something I really feel comfortable with."

"Well…you haven't really tried, have you?"

Bella said nothing, instead looking idly out the window. Alice slowed as she pulled up to her apartment. But Bella made no move to get out.

"Do you still love him?" Alice asked quietly.

Bella was silent for a long time before turning slowly to look at Alice. She gave her a small smile. "You probably knew me better than anyone…save Edward, of course," she began in practically a whisper. "Do you really think I could have ever stopped?"

Alice smiled back. "No."

Bella stared at her for a moment more before turning toward the door. "Goodnight Alice."

"I'll see you soon."


	16. Chapter 16 Q and A

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- Don't worry, I'll save you the time and chase myself with the pitchfork. Ugh...I have sat down so many times and told myself, 'tonight I'm going to write'...but it just wouldn't come. Finally, tonight...something came, hallelujah! I actually went back and reread Twilight, and I think that really helped me get back into this story. I needed to go back and get into Bella and Edward's relationship. So, I hope you enjoy, and I hope I'll be able to get some chapters out faster now. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it oh so much!**

* * *

Edward lay still, motionless on the damp grass, his eyes closed, his arms splayed out beside him. The sun beat down and warmed his cold body, and he took a long, deep breath, smiling to himself.

His eyes flew open as soon as he took in the breath, recognizing the all too familiar scent. He jumped up quickly and turned.

And there she was, her eyes wide, surprised. He was surprised lately at how utterly unobservant he was. He should have heard Bella making her way into the meadow. But lately his mind was so full of everything, of her, that he missed so many things.

She continued to stare at his bare, glistening chest, saying nothing.

"Bella," he breathed quietly.

"I…uh…I'm…I'm sorry. I…didn't know you were here," she sputtered as her eyes looked him up and down.

He smirked slightly, but quickly cleared the expression from his face. "No, no…it's quite alright. I was just enjoying the sunlight. But I would love for you to join me." He gave her his small, crooked smile, and she returned it with a wary one of her own.

"Alright," she said slowly, only slightly hesitant, and took a few steps toward him.

He reached down lightning fast for his shirt and slipped it back over his head. "Sorry," he said sheepishly.

She gave him a small smile. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather be alone? I can go…"

"No, of course not. It's a beautiful day. I'd love to share it with you."

Bella walked around the meadow slowly, looking around at everything.

"Do you…come here often?" Edward asked carefully.

Bella was silent for a long time before answering. She faced him again and looked down at the ground. "I come here every day," she said softly. After a minute she looked up and met his intense gaze. "And you?"

"I come here whenever I can," he murmured, never breaking their gaze.

She looked down again and cleared her throat lightly. "That explains it then."

"Explains what?"

She kept looking at her feet. "I…whenever I come here…well…it smells like you. I just thought maybe it was…a memory."

He chuckled. "Yes. So did I. I can smell you here too."

She looked up and met his grin with a hesitant one of her own.

They stood there like that, just staring, and he took the time to look her over carefully. She had always been extraordinarily beautiful. The change hadn't altered her in any major ways. Her body had filled out slightly, her curves a little more defined. Her face seemed to have sharpened somehow, her features becoming very focused. Of course her skin was paler, her eyes different.

But she was beautiful. She had always been beautiful. And the changes that had occurred in her meant nothing to him. When he looked at her, he always saw his Bella. His memories had shown her as beautiful, but they were nothing compared to actually standing in front of her, taking her in with his eyes.

Of course, right now her skin shone bright in the sun. It made her appear much different than the way he remembered her, and he almost expected this to make him sad, that she was no longer human, that she had lost the life he had struggled so hard to give her. But he didn't. The overwhelming happiness he felt every time he realized she was actually here, actually alive, overshadowed everything.

"It's like I can see your mind working," she finally murmured, breaking the long silence.

He shook his head slightly. "I'm sorry?"

"You seem to be thinking very hard right now. I can see your mind working…your eyes…" She trailed off, looking embarrassed.

His mind went back, to when she would look exactly like that, her expression sheepish, her head turning down quickly. But with a bright blush on her cheeks. That blush was gone now. But it didn't make him sad. He couldn't feel sad with her here, with him.

"I guess I'm just easy to read," he chuckled lowly.

She looked back up and smiled, shaking her head. "No. You've never been easy to read. "You…must just be thinking very hard."

"With lives such as ours…thinking becomes the standard I suppose."

She looked away toward the trees. "I suppose," she repeated, beginning to walk around the meadow again, her arms tight around her midsection. He noticed she did that a lot, and he wasn't sure why. It seemed to be something she did subconsciously, without even thinking about it.

"Would you like to sit with me?" he asked, after watching her walk anxiously for a short time.

She stopped and looked at him, and he motioned to the ground, sitting fluidly in the grass.

She nodded slowly and came closer, sitting a few yards away. Her arms wrapped tightly around her again once she was seated.

"Can I ask you a question?" she finally spoke up.

"Of course," he answered quickly, slightly nervous, wondering what it would be. Hoping for the opportunity, the courage, to say what he needed to say. And scared for it all the same.

"Why do you come here?"

He stared at her imploringly for a moment, her eyes locked firmly with his.

"This is a beautiful place," he answered. "When I want to be somewhere peaceful, beautiful, I come here."

She merely nodded, looking down and toying with a piece of grass on the ground.

"And you?" he reciprocated.

"The same, I guess," she sighed.

He eyed her carefully as her gaze remained on the ground, still playing with the single blade of grass. She looked distracted, lost in thought.

"It would appear that I'm not the only one thinking hard today," he practically whispered.

She looked up, giving him a wistful smile. "Standard, right?"

He smiled back. "Right."

He sat there, staring into her eyes, telling himself, screaming at himself, to just do it. To tell her everything, to put everything out there.

But when he opened his mouth it felt as if he couldn't speak, and he quickly shut it.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I…" he paused, then took a deep breath. "You know how much everyone cares for you…don't you?" he said, losing his nerve and going in a different direction than intended. "All of us."

She looked down again. "I care about everyone too," she said softly.

"I know it's been implied, but I'm not sure if anyone's ever outright stated it." She looked up and met his gaze again. "We want you to join our family. To move in with us, to quit your job. I know…well, maybe you're not quite ready to make that decision yet. But I want to make sure you know that the option is always there."

She gave him a small, almost sad smile. "I do know. Thank you." She smiled wider, and the sad look left her eyes. "I would know even if Alice weren't implying it every five minutes."

Edward laughed. "There's something to be said for Alice, she's determinedly persistent."

"Yes, she most definitely is," Bella chuckled.

"So since you asked a question, may I reciprocate?"

She looked at him warily. "Well…I suppose that's only fair," she replied slowly.

He grinned. "So…how many books have you read over the years?"

Her next laugh was strong, unrestrained. "Well…it's been quite awhile since I've been able to walk into a library and find something I've wanted to read. Is that a sufficient answer?"

"That's sufficient," he chuckled.

They sat in silence for a minute.

"So I suppose it's my turn now."

"So it would seem," he answered with a smile. He was enjoying their easy banter and didn't want anything to ruin it.

"Hmmm…when was the last time you had mountain lion?"

He threw his head back and laughed loudly. "Just before we came to Forks. I've had to settle for elk since then. Quite boring."

"No irritable grizzly," she murmured so low he almost didn't catch it. He was suddenly transported to the morning in her kitchen he had watched her eat cereal. He shook the memory quickly from his mind, determined to stay in the present.

"And…now that we're back to me…do tell, what is your favorite?" he asked lightly.

At this she smiled, saying nothing, looking as if she were enjoying some kind of private joke.

"What?" he asked with a smirk.

"It's…grizzly bear," she said with a laugh.

He stared at her in amazement. "No," he said astonishingly.

She nodded in affirmation. "What can I say…Emmett's got good taste."

He laughed, shaking his head.

"Where did you last live?" she continued.

"We were in Alaska last, actually."

"With the other family?"

He nodded. "We go there a lot when we need time to think of where we're going to settle next."

She merely nodded, saying nothing.

He worked up the courage to ask her a question he desperately wanted the answer to. "What is your clearest human memory?" he asked, slightly hesitant.

He saw her blanch slightly. She got a thoughtful look on her face for a minute before answering. "I feel like it should be the attack," she began quietly, looking at him only briefly before looking down. He felt the expression of guilt wash quickly over his face, and tried to clear it as best he could.

"My memories…of us…have always been the clearest," she continued, stealing a glance at him and then lowering her head again. She smiled a sad smile. "I've already told you that. I've actually thought about this a lot. I thought it would be…the first day we were here…or the night in the car when we talked about…what you were."

She looked back up at him, her gaze intense. "But it's not. It's the time you walked me to gym class. The first time." She reached up absently and touched her cheek. "I don't know if…"

"I remember," he interrupted in a low voice. He continued to stare at her, and then slowly, carefully, lifted his hand to her face, brushing it lightly across her cheek. He expected her to pull away, to flinch, but she didn't. But he couldn't restrain himself from reaching out and touching her.

She just continued to stare at him, her eyes wide, anxious, as his hand made contact with her skin. He brushed his hand back and forth a few times and then stopped, letting it linger whisper soft on her cheekbone.

He smiled at her as he finally dropped his hand. "It's one of my favorite memories."

She said nothing, just continued to stare at him with slightly wide eyes.

"What are you thinking?" he murmured.

She cleared her throat and broke their gaze, looking off toward the trees. "I…I'm still expecting…for you to feel…so cold when you touch me. It's…hard to get used to."

The corner of his mouth lifted. "Yes…it is. I still expect to see the blush in your cheeks…hear the beat of your heart."

"Is it much different?" she asked softly, never meeting his stare.

"I suppose it is. But, strangely enough…when I see you…it's as if I'm looking at you then. You…for the most part…appear the same to me." He saw her face become slightly hard as he answered.

They were silent for a few minutes, his head eventually dropping down to look at the grass. She continued to stare off into the trees, looking lost in thought.

"Your turn," she said softly, finally looking at him.

He stared at her for a moment. "Leave your job. Leave your tiny little room. Come and live with us Bella. Every moment you're not there, we want you to be. They…we…are your family. Please come."

She was perfectly silent, perfectly still, saying nothing.

"What are you thinking?" he finally asked.

"That's not a question," she replied quietly.


	17. Chapter 17 Talk to Me

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- So it seems like maybe my writer's block -with this story at least- is finally letting up for a longer amount of time than before. Thank you so much for all of your wonderful reviews, I really love hearing what you guys have to say, and it means a lot to me that you take the time to review. I hope you're enjoying the story!**

* * *

The quiet tap on her door shook her from her thoughts.

"Come in," she said absently, pretty sure she knew who it would be.

"Hey," Alice said brightly as she walked in. She looked around the room. "You look like you're pretty settled.

Bella sighed. "Well, I didn't have much stuff."

"Do you like the furniture?" Alice asked as she plopped down on the bed.

Bella remained in place on the floor, leaning back against it. "It's very nice," she replied distractedly.

She saw Alice narrow her eyes, cocking her head to the side. "You know…I'm really surprised you agreed to this. I mean, I asked and asked, but…" She trailed off, still watching Bella carefully.

"How could I resist, with both you and Edward after me about it?"

They were both silent as Bella looked away, back to the spot on the wall she had been concentrating on before the interruption.

"Is there something you'd like to talk about?" Alice asked slowly.

"No," she answered, shaking her head.

"Yes there is," Alice said firmly. "You just won't."

"Alice," Bella sighed. "I'm fine…really," she persisted while Alice glared at her skeptically.

"You want to talk about Edward," she continued.

Bella clamped her mouth shut, saying nothing. Alice had been reading her much too well from the beginning. Refuting her claim would be no good.

"You have to talk to someone Bella," Alice went on, gentler this time. "I can see that there are…things you need to…get out. Who better than me?"

Bella snorted. "If I'm going to talk to you I might as well just go and talk to him. He'd hear it all in your mind anyway."

"That's an even better idea!" Alice exclaimed excitedly, jumping up.

Bella shook her head, unable to hold back a smile. She was just so enthusiastic.

"Go and talk to him now," Alice challenged.

Bella sighed heavily. "There's nothing to say Alice."

"What do you mean there's nothing to say? There's plenty to say! You two haven't even said anything to each other!"

"We've talked."

"Not about anything of consequence! There's so much to say and yet you both just sit here, mouths shut, stubborn as can be!"

Bella stood and began pacing, saying nothing.

"When will you tell him how you really feel?" Alice persisted, her voice quieter this time.

"Who cares how I really feel Alice?" Bella spat, becoming angry quickly without quite knowing why. "It doesn't matter. It never did."

"Ugh!" Alice grunted in frustration. "He has a few things he needs to tell you too!"

There was a bang from up above them, and they both looked toward the ceiling, Alice's face livid.

"That's right Edward!" she shouted. "You need to do your part too!"

She looked back at Bella and sighed loudly. "You two are impossible," she muttered, walking to the door and out of the room quickly.

Bella sighed again and fell back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. She was starting to think moving in wasn't such a great idea. Edward's room was directly above hers. Which meant he was directly above her a majority of the time. As if she weren't thinking about him enough.

The other day in the meadow had changed something. In her, at the very least. Before she had known she still loved him, and she could deal with that. But now; now she was longing for him, immensely. And she wasn't really handling that so well.

Because she knew that it wasn't a two way street. If she hadn't known that before, it had only been confirmed that day in the meadow. When he said the words that, deep down, she had always known were true.

That he still saw her the same way. The exact same way. The same Bella he had seen before. The same Bella he had stopped loving; the same Bella he had left behind. It hadn't stung her too horribly when he said it; after all, she had known it anyway. And it should have been one of the determining factors in her decision whether or not to join their family.

But, despite knowing what she did, she wanted to be with their family. And she wanted to be near him. Even if he only saw her as a friend, as the Bella he hadn't wanted, she wanted to be around him.

And when he had touched her in the meadow; he had only lightly brushed her cheek. But it felt like something in her had sparked to life. At that moment she had been sure her heart still beat, because something in her chest leapt at his touch. Instead of wanting to cringe back, like she thought she would, she wanted to lean into him.

She had been transported back in time. To when they were Bella and Edward, and they were together, and he loved her. And for just a few moments she had stayed that way, and she had considered that it was possible that he could feel differently, that she could let him in.

And then he had said it, and all that hope went away. And it was probably better that it went sooner rather than later, because she wasn't sure how much worse it could have been if she let herself believe it could happen for any long amount of time, and then have it crash down.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was Bella. She loved Edward. Edward was currently mere feet away from her, and would be on a regular basis.

She was an idiot.

* * *

"Don't you think you could have been a little more tactful Alice," Edward hissed as she threw open the door, following her down the steps and across the lawn.

When she reached the trees she whirled around to glare at him. "Someone needs to talk to her, and you're certainly not going to do it, now are you?"

"I have…"

"Yeah I know, you have talked to her, blah blah blah!"

"Do you really think that helped anything?"

"You know, back when she was human, and you shouldn't have been talking to her, you two had no problem communicating. But now that she's here…really here, for all of eternity…you just can't seem to tell her what you need to! What she needs to hear!"

"I…am trying Alice. I just need time."

"Edward, time you have had. But the longer you wait, the harder it's going to be. Maybe not for you to tell her…but for her to believe, to accept. I can see it…I can see it in her. It's like she believes now more than ever that you don't feel that way about her."

"I'm…terrified of what her reaction will be. I'm afraid of making her angry, or…"

"Maybe getting angry is exactly what she needs right now." Alice walked closer to him. "She has been holding all of this inside for so, so long Edward. She needs to get it out. I'm sure she has a lot of anger she needs to let go of…and if some of that lands on you…well, it wouldn't be unexpected, now would it?"

"No," he sighed, "I suppose it wouldn't."

"She loves you Edward. You know that. We know that. And we know you love her. But _she_ doesn't know you love her. And that hardly seems fair."

"I've messed things up so terribly Alice," he said quietly, running his hand frustratingly through his hair. "I'm afraid I'll destroy them even more."

"Edward, I think the only way you're destroying things is through your silence. It's gone on long enough. End it now."

* * *

"Awwww, come on!" Emmett shouted at the screen, pressing the buttons on the controller furiously.

"You're going to obliterate that controller if you jab those buttons any harder," Alice said with a smile, shaking her head.

"I'm just surprised you're still under the impression you might beat me one day," Jasper said smugly, pressing the buttons on his own controller much more calmly.

"I've beat you before," Emmett hissed, never taking his intent focus from the screen.

"Not at this one man," Jasper snickered.

"He's right," Alice said pointedly. "Not at this particular game."

Emmett growled and focused even harder, if at all possible, on the game at hand.

"Well, good thing you two aren't remotely competitive," Bella remarked jokingly.

"Ha!" Rosalie scoffed, never taking her eyes from her nails she was inspecting.

"Hello," Edward said softly as he came into the room, sitting down next to Bella.

She turned to look at him briefly. "Hi," she replied with a small smile.

Edward chuckled then, turning to look at Emmett. "Really Emmett, this game is making your thoughts much more violent."

"Oh, it's not the game, just the fact that he's losing," Jasper teased.

"Could you _please_ be quiet, I am trying to concentrate here!" Emmett complained.

They all laughed at that, but their conversation ceased as they watched the game play out.

After a few minutes Edward leaned over closer to Bella. He heard her breath catch slightly.

"Would you like to take a walk with me?" he asked quietly.

She looked at him carefully for a moment before nodding yes.

He stood and held his hand out to her, which she took hesitantly, standing. They walked out the door and down the lawn, into the trees.

"Are you enjoying your time here?" he finally asked after they walked for several minutes in silence, still hand in hand.

"Of course," she answered. "Emmett's especially entertaining," she grinned.

"That he is," Edward replied, chuckling. "Everyone is very happy you came to live with us."

She smiled. "I'm happy too," she said quietly.

He stopped walking abruptly and turned toward her. "Are you really?" he asked softly.

She wouldn't look at his eyes, instead averting her gaze to the ground. She cleared her throat. "Yes."

"Bella…I need to talk to you."

She finally looked up at him. "We…are talking."

He gave her a half hearted smile. "No Bella. I really need to talk to you."

She swallowed hard, never taking her eyes from his. "Umm…alright," she said hesitantly.

He took a deep breath. "Ok…here goes."


	18. Chapter 18 The Truth

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- Ok guys, sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out. Things have been beyond hectic...my girls are taking up 25 hours of my day, then there's still the other million things I need to do. So today I chose to stay up until 3 am to get this chapter out. So I hope you all enjoy it, and thanks so much for reading!**

* * *

Edward looked down to see he was holding Bella's hand very tightly, and dropped it, sighing loudly. He reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes.

"Are…you alright?" Bella asked quietly.

He cleared his throat, and looked back up into her questioning face. She looked so concerned. He reached out and brushed her cheek lightly with the back of his hand, watching her eyes widen in surprise.

"Bella," he murmured in a low voice.

She said nothing, instead staring intently into his eyes, looking hypnotized. He almost leaned in, right then and there. He imagined lightly pressing his lips to hers, feeling her mouth on his, the electricity that had always shot through him so long ago returning.

But he knew that he couldn't. That wasn't fair. Alice was right. He needed to tell her everything; she deserved to know before he attempted anything like that.

He dropped his hand down and sighed again, the bewildered look remaining on her face.

"I have…so much I need to tell you Bella. So many things I need to say. And I can only hope that maybe you might possibly…understand. That you won't despise me."

"Edward, I don't…" she began.

"You don't yet," he cut her off, smiling grimly.

She sighed. "Well…what do you want to tell me?" she went on quietly.

He instantly moved away and began pacing anxiously. He went back and forth a few times before coming to the conclusion that he couldn't get what he wanted to say across effectively this way, and immediately stopped and turned back to face her.

He sighed loudly before beginning, running his hand through his hair. "Bella…I believe…you're under…a misapprehension. And I am completely to blame for that." He watched the look of bewilderment come across her face again.

"Bella…when I left…" he began, and watched her face turn hard as soon as the words left his mouth. He opened it to speak again, but was quickly cut off by her.

"We don't need to discuss that Edward," she said in a voice she was trying desperately to keep controlled; but it wavered slightly. Her whole body went rigid, defensive.

He almost considered dropping it, leaving it alone. But he knew that, rather than letting that reaction deter him, it was exactly why he needed to go on.

"Yes we do," he said firmly.

He watched her open her mouth immediately to protest; but then she stopped. She said nothing, and turned her gaze away from his eyes to the ground.

"Bella?"

She sighed, but refused to meet his gaze. "Well go ahead then," she said in a resigned tone.

He wondered briefly if he should ask her to look at him, wondering if it would be better said looking into her eyes, but then decided not to push her. It was apparent already that this was going to be difficult for her. He didn't want to make it any worse.

"I…lied to you," he said gravely.

Her head shot up, her eyes meeting his instantly. "What?"

"When I left, Bella. I lied. I had to do it. I knew I needed to make you believe it. So that you could move on." He was starting to ramble, but now that he had begun the words tumbled quickly out of his mouth.

"After what happened with Jasper I couldn't stop thinking about how much danger I was putting you in. The thought of you being hurt, killed maybe, by one of us no less, was too much to bear. I…knew I needed to leave. But I needed to give you a way to get past all this. I mean, well…I thought you would anyway, being human and…but that's besides the point…but I wanted you to get past it quickly. Get over it quickly."

"So…I lied. I told you I didn't love you anymore. Oh, Bella, you have no idea how hard it was for me to say those words to you. As if I could stop loving you…as if I could not need you! I still needed you, but I needed you to be safe, I wanted you to…"

She had stood there through his rant looking fairly expressionless. But when she interrupted him she had a small, sad smile on her lips. "Edward…stop," she said softly.

And he did. He looked into her eyes, trying to figure out how she was taking it. Trying to see what her reaction would be. But he couldn't read her very well.

"I was kind of expecting this," she went on quietly.

This time it was him who was bewildered. "You were?"

She smiled briefly before continuing. "You always felt so…guilty about so many things. Especially when they concerned me. Like everything bad that ever happened to me was because of you, and you needed to shoulder the blame. When I was human I just seemed to be a magnet for troublesome things. And you took all of that on you…and that wasn't right."

"What happened with Jasper _was_ my fault," he interjected.

"I made the decision to go to my vampire birthday party," she joked. "I made the decision to put myself where I was, to be with…" She stopped abruptly, and he saw pain flash briefly across her face. That one look made his chest feel like it was being torn apart, despite her attempt at humor.

"But you can't take everything on yourself Edward," she went on gently. His brow furrowed. "I know you feel guilty for…what happened to me. But…you don't have to try and…I don't know…pacify me. You don't have to try and make me feel better. I'm ok with it, and…"

"Isabella Marie Swan," he interrupted firmly. "Do you think I'm telling you all of this because I feel guilty about your…change?"

"You do. I…I know you do."

"I do feel guilty. Horribly guilty, immensely so. More than I could ever express, more than I could ever make you understand."

"I know," she conceded.

"But that's not at all why I'm telling you this."

Her brow furrowed. "Then why?"

"Because it's true!" he said loudly. "Because you believed it. You thought I didn't love you anymore. You believe I don't love you now, when it's exactly the opposite. I have spent every moment of every day since I met you thinking of nothing but you! My life without you has been miserable, and empty, and meaningless." He paused, trying to gauge her reaction.

Her face looked oddly blank. She cocked her head to the side. "I don't…I don't understand."

He took a few steps closer. "I left, Bella, because I thought I was doing the best possible thing for you," he went on softly. "I thought if I left you could move on and live a normal life. And I thought I was giving you a better chance at moving on by…lying to you."

"I started to tell you I was going to leave, but I could see that you weren't going to let go. So I…I did the only thing I thought I could. I told you…that I didn't love you anymore."

He paused. "I didn't even think you were going to believe me," he went on quickly, watching her face beginning to change from confusion to astonishment. "I was sure you were going to tell me you didn't believe me, after all the times I had told you how very much I loved you. But then you…you did believe it, and I just kept telling myself over and over that you would be better off, that you could have a normal life, that I was no good for you."

He took a few steps closer, her look of astonishment growing more and more. "Bella, I have loved you since the first moment I saw you…all those years ago, every day since that moment. You've been in my every thought. There is no way I could ever stop loving you. You're the most important thing in my life, in my world. Even thought we've been apart I've thought of nothing but you. I…I wanted to come so many times…to just…look in on you maybe. But I knew I wouldn't stay away."

He sighed heavily. "I was sure that…that me leaving would give you a better life. I…I had no idea what would…that it would…" He trailed off, unable to finish.

He looked at her astonished face for a few moments before walking to her and slowly taking her hand. Her gaze was not on him, instead focused just behind him. "I'm so sorry I lied to you Bella. I'm so sorry I hurt you, that I made you believe those things." He paused, waiting for her to say something, but she remained silent, still staring away from him. "I…I really did think…that I was doing the very best thing for you."

Slowly her eyes began moving slowly to his face. Her expression remained astonished as she looked into his eyes.

And then it happened. Her eyes clouded over. Her face twisted up in anger as she yanked her hand from his.

"Are you…kidding me?" she hissed. "This…this is not true…"

"It's true Bella…it's all true," he said quietly.

"What…what did you…" she sputtered, then took a deep breath to compose herself. "What is wrong with you?!" she exploded. "Or, what was wrong with you, I guess?! You thought it was best…you thought I would get _past_ it…you thought I would move _on?"_

She drew in a deep breath. "Did you not know me at all? What…because I was a measly _human_ I would just be able to move on, just like that?! Was it not _glaringly_ obvious how desperately I love you?"

"Bella, I…"

"Do you have any idea what those months were like? I…I had this…this gaping hole, and I had to hold myself together, and I was just a zombie for so long, and then when I wasn't a zombie the hole would just rip open. And…and I went up to those guys and rode the damn motorcycle and jumped off that cliff to hear your imaginary voice!"

Edward's brow furrowed as she screamed at him, trying to piece together what she was saying, but most of it didn't make sense.

"How could you possibly think I was going to be better without you?!" she went on. "Did you think you were just going to move on, that you would be better off?"

"No Bella, no. I never thought that, but it was different…"

"Why was it different Edward? Did you think you loved me more than I loved you?"

"I thought that…that because you were human, that…"

"Who cares if I was human! You…you were my whole life, you were my world! What about the thousands of times I told you I loved you?! What about what I wanted to do…what I wanted to…to give up. How could you possibly think I would be better off?!"

"Because I was an idiot Bella. I was a fool. I made a horrible decision. I know now that I should have stayed…and not only because…because of what happened to you. But because that's exactly where I belonged. Because there was no other place for me than beside the most important thing in my world. All I wanted was to be with you…but I was foolish, and I am so, so sorry."

"I understand you being angry. I certainly can't blame you. I only hope that you can forgive me. Because, Bella, since the moment I first saw you again, all I've wanted to do is hold you, to be close to you again…to tell you that I love you so much."

"I've thought of you every moment of every day. I've pictured nothing but your face all these years. I know all of this…well, that maybe you don't quite understand it all. But if nothing else, please understand how very much I love you."

Her angry face relaxed slightly at the end of his speech, and for a few moments there was complete silence. But he saw the angry expression overtake her features once again.

"I cannot believe this." She turned to one side, then another, looking around her. "I…I need to just…walk…or run…or…" she trailed off, exasperated, then finally turned and began walking away deeper into the forest.

"Bella," he called quietly.

"I need…to…think…be alone…something," she mumbled, turning and looking at him briefly over her shoulder.

"I have no doubt you need time to yourself right now, and I will respect that. But I should tell you…I won't let you go again Bella. If you run…I will run after you. I'll follow you to the ends of this earth. Because if there's one thing I've learned…it's that the only place I belong, the only place I want to be, is at your side. I won't make the same mistake twice."

"I…I won't run away," she said softly. "I can't anymore. I just…need time."


	19. Chapter 19 Closure

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story, with the exclusion of a few, belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- Hey look, it didn't take me a month to update...wow! Well, I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and I hope you enjoy reading it. Thanks for continuing to read, and thanks for all of your wonderful feedback, I absolutely LOVE reading your reviews!**

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"You told her," Alice said quietly as Edward passed her on the lawn.

Edward only nodded, stopping and looking out at the house.

"I saw you coming home."

Edward nodded again.

"How did she take it?"

Edward had been replaying their conversation over and over again for the few hours he'd been walking through the forest. She had been angry. He understood that. Expected it. She didn't understand how he could have done it. He understood that too. He was having a hard time lately justifying to himself why he had done it.

Then there was the part about guys and motorcycles and jumping off cliffs. He had no idea what any of that meant. He figured that part probably needed a lot more explaining.

But with everything she had said, only one screamed at him over and over and over.

_Did you not know me at all? What…because I was a measly human I would just be able to move on, just like that?! Was it not glaringly obvious how desperately I love you?_

Maybe he didn't…or hadn't…known her quite as well as he'd believed he had. And he had really thought that, if only because she was human, she would have moved on.

But he didn't care about any of that.

_Was it not glaringly obvious how desperately I love you?_

She hadn't said loved…she had said love. He didn't even know if she realized it. And he didn't care. He had heard it. It made his heart soar, despite the yelling, despite the anger he had seen in her.

It had been seventy five years since Bella had stood in front of him and used the word love. Now that was all he wanted.

"Edward?" Alice interrupted his thoughts.

He looked at her with a blank stare. "Hmmm?"

"How did she take it?" Alice asked slowly, beginning to look worried.

Edward sighed. "She got angry. She yelled. Basically, she did exactly what was expected."

Alice sighed too, nodding. "And…where is she now?"

"She…walked away. She said she needed some time."

Alice nodded thoughtfully. "She was surprised. She had no idea," she said sadly.

"You know, even going over it in my head, over and over before it happened, I kept thinking that somewhere, deep down, she really knew." He ran his hand absently through his hair. "But she really didn't," he said sadly. "This whole time…she really thought I didn't love her."

Alice came over and placed her hand gently on Edward's shoulder. "But now she does. She'll take her time…and she'll be back."

Edward frowned. "She said she wouldn't run away. And I know she needs time. But…" He trailed off.

"She'll be back Edward."

He smiled grimly. "You can't see her future Alice."

She smiled widely. "I don't need to."

* * *

Bella went to the only place she felt like she could. She didn't want to go to the meadow, where every single thing would remind her of Edward. And the first place she had thought of running to she knew was off limits.

So that's why she stood there, in the middle, looking back and forth between her and Charlie's headstones.

Every time she saw them her mind tried to picture what it must have been like the day the funerals had taken place. Her father and Renee crying over her empty grave. She wondered if Renee had attended Charlie's funeral, if she had stood over his grave and cried, knowing the only reason he was there was because of Bella.

She looked down at her hands to see they were shaking. She was trying desperately to keep her mind away from the conversation that had just taken place, knowing she would have to go over it soon, but knowing also that she wasn't quite ready.

"I come here a lot," the low, deep voice said from behind her.

She whirled around, her nose wrinkling as soon as she caught the scent. She really must have been lost in thought to have not noticed him approaching.

"Jacob."

He gave her a small smile, walking closer to her grave, keeping some distance between them.

They were silent for a moment, saying nothing.

"Is…Billy buried here?" she finally asked quietly.

He shook his head. "There's a small cemetery on the rez…he's buried there."

"When did he die?"

Jacob looked down at the ground. "About ten years after Charlie…he was pretty sick for a little while."

Bella fell silent, glancing up at Jacob every few seconds.

He smiled again. "It's ok. You can ask your questions. I'll ask mine when you're through."

She gave him a small smile, but looked down at the ground again, remaining silent.

Finally she began. "Why are you still so…young?" she asked, looking up at him questioningly.

"I told you before…as long as we phase, we don't age. If I were to stop, I would start getting older."

"So the whole pack is still a bunch of teenagers?"

"No. Leah, Embry and I are the only ones left."

Bella's brow furrowed. "What happened to the rest of them?"

"Most of the others imprinted. They didn't want to stop aging while their imprints did, so they stopped changing. Leah, Embry and I continued, just in case…" He trailed off.

Bella stared at him, confused. "Imprinted?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, saying nothing. Then a look of comprehension flooded his face. "I must not have ever gotten to that. The pack could imprint…basically they saw someone, and that person was their soul mate. Think of it as something like love at first sight…but much stronger and deeper. They just belong together."

"And that happens to all werewolves?"

"Well actually, before our pack it was very rare. But with a lot of us it did."

She stared at him questioningly. "Except you, Embry, and Leah."

"Well…not exactly. It's sort of a funny story. When Leah changed…she actually imprinted on Embry. We didn't think it could happen, one werewolf on another. But it did. Since they were both werewolves, they decided to continue phasing…to keep watch." He looked down, kicking at the grass. "There were a couple others who didn't imprint. They were afraid they would fall in love with someone, then imprint on someone else and end up leaving that person. But it didn't happen. They were all married…had families."

"You didn't imprint?" she asked quietly.

He looked up, staring at her long and hard before answering. "No."

They both fell silent, their gazes dropping to the ground.

"Why do you come here Jake?" she asked softly. She looked up at him, but his eyes remained on the ground.

"I think," he finally began slowly, "that I always expected you to come back one day. I…I felt…terrible that I left you like that after…" He took a deep breath. "I knew I had to do it…but I still always felt terrible about it. I guess…I wanted to see you. To see if you were ok. As ok as you can be…I guess."

"What…what happened…after…you know…" She trailed off.

Jacob cleared his throat. "We cleaned up the house a little…got rid of the…of Victoria. Everyone assumed that you had been…taken. I hated to see Charlie…to see him like that. We thought maybe we could get your stuff out, make it look like you had run away. But…Charlie came home too soon."

"They started looking for you right away. Charlie was…relentless. He barely ate or slept. After about two months…well…of course they never found anything. They had your funeral."

"My mom?" she whispered.

He nodded. "She was there. She came right after you disappeared. She…she didn't leave until the funeral. She was…pretty distraught."

"Were you there…at the funeral?"

"Yes," he said quietly.

"And Charlie?"

Jacob's eyes became even more pained. "A few months after your funeral. He was just…never the same. You could tell he wasn't sleeping still, not eating right. Billy tried…but nothing could really get through to him. The doctor…well…he said that Charlie probably could have fought…he was alive for just a little while after the heart attack. But…I think he thought he didn't really have anything left to fight for."

"I…I hate what this did to him…what I did to him," Bella practically whispered.

Jacob's head shot up. "You _did not_ do anything Bella. That filthy little…it was her. And I…I was supposed to protect you. None of it was your fault."

"Don't you go blaming yourself too," she said firmly. "I wasn't some little girl who needed a babysitter. It's not all of your guys' fault, what happened to me."

Jacob sighed loudly. "I guess it doesn't make much of a difference now, does it?"

She smiled faintly. "No, it doesn't."

They both fell silent again.

"So, I guess it's my turn," he murmured.

She just nodded.

"Where…have you been?"

"I moved around…a lot like the Cullen's do. Went to school, worked…nothing very exciting."

"Where did you go…in the beginning."

She gave him a small smile. "Actually…I never left. I went to the Cullen's house. I lived there for a few years."

He gave her an astonished look. "You were here the entire time?" he asked incredulously.

She just nodded.

"Why didn't you come see me?" he demanded.

She sighed loudly. "First off, I didn't even know if you wanted to see me. Not after what I had become. And secondly…I only left that house to hunt. I never went too far…I didn't want to run into any…humans. I needed to get control of my thirst before I could even attempt to be around anyone."

The astonished look slowly left his face, and he nodded. "I…guess I can understand that." He paused. "So then…you came here with the Cullen's?" he asked tensely.

She shook her head. "No. I came here on my own. They were already here. I hadn't seen them since…well, before."

His brow furrowed. "You didn't come together?"

"No."

"So you…you aren't with Edward?"

She immediately tensed, her mind going back to their earlier conversation. "I'm…not with Edward," she said quietly.

Jacob said nothing, and when she finally looked up, she saw him scrutinizing her carefully.

"What?" she asked.

"So it's been seventy five years since you've seen the Cullen's?"

"Yes."

He smiled slightly, shaking his head.

"What?" she asked again, her tone a little annoyed this time.

"Even after all this time, even after everything that's happened…you still love him," Jacob said firmly.

Her eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about?" she demanded harshly.

He chuckled. "Give me a little credit Bella."

She just kept looking at him, eyes narrowed.

"Look at yourself. Seriously Bella…look down."

She looked down and saw that her arms were tightly wrapped around her waist. She looked back up. "So?"

"Your arms are wrapped around you…like you're trying to hold yourself together. That's what you always did…when you were upset about him. Hell, if his name was even mentioned. And you're still doing it now."

Bella furrowed her brow, trying to recall if she did this often. She couldn't really remember.

She dropped her arms to her sides.

"It's ok Bella," he said quietly. "I've had a lot of time to think. Doesn't make me…quite as angry as it used to."

She just nodded, saying nothing.

"I loved you, you know," he went on softly. His gaze held hers for a moment, then dropped to the ground. "I'm sure you pretty much knew that." He looked back up at her. "Back then I thought I could make you stop loving him. But I've had a long time to think. And I know I probably couldn't have. Not completely anyway. But I…" He trailed off, averting his eyes again.

"I loved you too Jake," she said quietly. His eyes remained averted, but she saw the look of pain come across his face. "Not the same way I loved him…but I did. And I think…I think that if I had…stayed human…I think you and I might have been together. I was thinking about it a lot before…before I was attacked. I…I wasn't whole. I don't think I ever would have been whole. But what was left…I think I could have…given it to you."

Jacob kept looking off toward the trees. "Are you whole now?" he asked.

She paused before answering. "I…I guess I am." She sighed. "Edward told me today that he loved me. That he lied to me when he left. That he just went because he thought it was best for me."

"What did he tell you when he left?"

"That he didn't love me. That we were no good for each other."

"And do you believe him?"

She sighed again. "I…I don't know. I think…that maybe I want to. And then I think a part of me believes him just _because_ I want to."

Jacob took a few steps toward her, looking at her carefully, then took a few more. He stopped in front of her, then slowly reached out and took her hand.

"You're so cold," he murmured.

"You're even warmer than you were."

Bella," he began, looking at her imploringly. "I…I don't know what the last seventy five years have been like for you. But I kind of have a feeling they were a lot like…what you were like…just before it happened. I know what it's been like for me…losing the only girl I ever loved. It's been excruciating. And I guess…if what the blo…if what Edward told you is true…maybe he felt like that too."

"All I know is, if you showed up, and there was a way for us to be together, if we were the same…I would want it. Because being so lonely…well, it sucks. I can honestly tell you…I don't care about Edward. But…I do care about you. If he is what makes you happy…go and be happy Bella. Because, if anyone deserves it…it's you."

"What about you?" she whispered.

"Embry and Leah tell me that I've never been able to move on because I'm just sitting around, waiting for something. I got what I was waiting for. I wanted to see you. I wanted to look at you…to talk to you. I want to know that you can go on…despite what's happened, and find some kind of life for yourself. Maybe…maybe now that that's happened…maybe I can move past everything too."

"I'm so sorry Jake," she choked out.

"There's nothing you could have done Bella. But there's something you can do now. Go and be happy. Don't be miserable. I have a feeling that you, well, we, have done that for far too long."

"Will you move on Jacob? Will you be happy?"

"I hope so Bella. Now that I've seen you, now that I've actually seen you, and we've actually talked…well, I can already feel the relief. Like a weight has been lifted. And maybe…maybe this can be a new beginning."

"I hope you'll be happy," she whispered.

"You too," he whispered back, then leaned down and quickly kissed her cheek. "Bye Bella." He turned and began to walk away.

"Will I see you again Jacob?" she called after him.

He turned back and smiled at her. "No…I don't think you will." And he turned back and disappeared into the trees.


	20. Chapter 20 Certainty

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to hte wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- Ok, so a few things here. First off, I've gotten a lot of comments saying that this story is very drawn out...and yes, it definitely is. But that's the way it plays out in my head, so that's the way it gets written out. The problem I've always had when reading stories with this same idea is that they meet, Edward tells her, and all is forgiven, they're a happy couple, the end. To me that's just not realistic, and I'm trying to capture what I think would really happen. So if it feels like it's moving excruciatingly slow...it is. And now to the second thing. I have been getting super close to having a hundred reviews in one chapter...yay! But I haven't quite hit it yet, so I'm hoping you, my wonderful readers, will help me out and leave lots of reviews for me! Thanks so much for reading, I love you guys and all the feedback you've given me!**

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Bella stayed in the graveyard looking down at the two headstones for just a little while after Jacob left. She replayed their conversation through her head, feeling an odd relief she hadn't even known she'd needed.

She hadn't thought much about getting closure regarding Jacob. She knew she had wanted to talk to him, and that they would probably talk about everything that had happened back then, but she hadn't realized what a strong need there was inside her to wrap things up between them.

And now those things were wrapped up. She thought Jacob was right; they probably wouldn't see each other again. They hadn't needed this face to face to renew their friendship, just to close the doors that had never had a chance to be closed all those years ago.

And now they were closed. And everything that had happened today made her feel even more like Bella then she had since she was human. She really kind of hated that.

She sighed and walked away from the headstones, then broke into a run and headed to the place she knew she would come to all along.

She paced the middle of the meadow, finally letting the conversation from earlier play through her mind.

His words rang through her head over and over. What was best, putting you in danger, lies, blah blah blah. It all became jumbled into a huge mess, and she had no desire to untangle it.

Because it really only came down to two certain things.

Either he was lying then, or he was lying now. Surprisingly enough, a large part of her really wanted to believe he was lying now. She couldn't stand to think that the last seventy five years of her life had been led on the lies he had told that day.

Because she knew it was inevitable that she be changed. It would have happened regardless. And, even if he had left, but just hadn't told her he didn't love her; even then her life wouldn't have turned out this way.

Because she would have gone after him. If she had been changed and she had known that he still loved her, she would have searched for him high and low.

But she didn't believe he had been lying today. She remembered that day on the path when Edward had told her he was leaving pretty clearly. She remembered there were many times when he wouldn't meet her gaze. And when he had, there was something wrong; something in his eyes that just wasn't right.

But that hadn't been the case today. His gaze had been a little shifty, but when his eyes did meet hers, his gaze was earnest and forthcoming.

And of course, the second thing. If he wasn't lying today, what was she going to do? For that matter, if he was lying, what was she going to do? Because, aside from what he had said to her regarding the past, he had stood right in front of her and told her that he loved her.

Now. In the present. At this very moment. He loved her. And there was no part of her that wanted that to be a lie, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself there was. It was useless. She just loved him way too much.

The old Bella was back with full force. And she was just aching to reach out and touch him, hold him, kiss him. She was saying over and over in her head that there was nothing to think about, nothing to analyze, nothing to forgive.

And she really kind of wanted her to just shut up. Because, could it really be that easy? Was she just supposed to let everything go, was she really just supposed to leap into his arms, all is forgiven, and live happily ever after?

But that's not really what was happening here, was it? If everything Edward said was true, he had spent the last seventy five years being miserable; and so had she. She had spent all these years hiding who she really was because it was too painful to face. And now, here they were together, a second chance, and she knew what she wanted to do; but she just kept debating with herself.

Because even the old Bella was having a hard time believing that Edward actually loved her. That he actually wanted to be with her. But she just couldn't bring herself to believe he had been lying today.

So what now? What was she supposed to do? What was she supposed to say? What was she supposed to feel?

She heard the rustling before they ever stepped into the clearing. She picked up the scent before the person appeared, and she stood waiting in the middle of the clearing, hands on her hips and glare already in place.

Alice stepped slowly into sight, giving Bella a timid smile. She walked forward until she was just a few feet away.

"You knew," Bella said in an accusatory tone.

Alice sighed. "Of course I knew Bella. I have been living with him for the last three quarters of a century. Well…most of it."

"And you couldn't have said something?!" she exploded, throwing her hands up in the air. "You knew what he told me, you knew exactly what I'd been thinking all this time, and you say nothing?!"

Alice held up her hands in surrender. "Whoa whoa, hold on a second. Let me explain a few things first. Yes, I never said anything. And Bella, if I had, you wouldn't have believed me. You would have thought I was saying it to make you feel better, or force you two together, or something along those lines. Am I right?"

Bella said nothing, just blew out an exasperated breath and kept looking at her expectantly, hands still placed firmly on her hips.

"And, although I didn't tell you, I got the ball rolling. Edward is so stubborn he didn't even understand what was going on. He just thought he had to earn your trust back. He was sure you realized that he had been lying all those years ago…he was sure you still thought he loved you."

Bella's hands fell off her hips and down to her sides, her angry glare replaced with a confused expression. "Why would he think that?"

"Because it's what he wanted to think," Alice went on softly. "He didn't want to believe you'd gone through the last seventy five years thinking he didn't love you. He didn't want to believe it was so easy for you to doubt his love for you."

"I…I don't understand. Everything…it's just so…" Bella stumbled over her words, unable to complete the sentences.

"Edward came home that next morning, after your birthday, but I had seen his decision that night, when he was still with you. Of course I had told all the others about it, and they all thought it was a horrible idea…but it was his decision. When he walked in I ran to him, beginning my protest. But he just held his hand up, his face hard. He said it wasn't up for discussion, and asked that we get the details together while he went to school…he wanted us gone by the next day, and then he would say goodbye to you soon after."

Alice sighed again, her eyes faraway. "I thought it was unbearable to watch him just after he had made the decision. I could see how much it was hurting him…the way it was tearing him apart. But it was so much worse seeing him later, after he had been separated from you for a long period of time."

"He didn't even live with us in the beginning. He went out on his own. We knew he was just holing up somewhere, doing nothing. One time…I saw him clearly make the decision to go back to you. But then…it didn't take it long for it to change back."

"After a few years he came back to us. He was just…this shell. He was completely empty. He moved day to day, not really living at all. He wouldn't talk about you. When any of us thought about you he became extremely angry, screaming that he didn't want to see you in our heads. He made me swear I would never look for your future. And I kept my promise, I never did, because I was afraid if he saw the things in your future it would just hurt him more…and I couldn't bear that. But I thought it would come to me anyway. It never did."

She sighed again. "I told Edward you might not believe what he told you now, because it's been so long. But Bella, everything he's told you is true. He's loved you since the moment he saw you. He didn't stop loving you that day…he lied, because he thought it was best. Now he knows how stupid that was, and he desperately wants to make it right."

Bella sank down to the ground and pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them tightly. "I…really believed him," she whispered. "That day in the forest…I really thought he didn't love me anymore. And it wasn't a big surprise. I never understood why he had loved me in the first place."

Alice sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "He thought it would be better, for you, if you were thoroughly convinced. He knew he could never move past you…but he really did think you could move past him."

"How? How could he think that?" she demanded. "Did he really think my love was so much…less than his?"

"Just like you had issues believing someone like Edward could love you so much, he had trouble believing the same about you. To him, you were this perfect human, this angel, who he couldn't offer the kind of life he felt you really deserved. He felt like if he left, and let you begin to lead that normal, human life, you would find the happiness you were supposed to have. He couldn't realize that that happiness was, in fact, him."

Bella looked at Alice imploringly. "What am I supposed to do now?"

"What do you want to do Bella?"

"I…don't know. I'm confused. Things aren't the same as they were then. I don't think they can ever be. We're…different. That's unavoidable."

"Some things never change," Alice said quietly. "The way you love Edward has not changed over the years. The way he loves you hasn't changed. No one's saying it's going to be easy. It's not supposed to be. You're building a relationship, not jumping right into one. But you have all of eternity before you to do that. You've spent the last seventy five years alone…can you say you really want one more day of that?"

Bella sighed, saying nothing.


	21. Chapter 21 Explanations

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- Hey look, two updates in two days! Yay...lol. I know how much you guys love updates...so show some love with reviews! Hope you enjoy...I really loved writing this chapter!**

* * *

He heard Alice's thoughts as she entered the house. She was reciting the periodic table of elements in French. He was sure she had gone after Bella to talk and now wanted to hide whatever they had discussed. 

He merely sighed, making no effort to move. He lay flat on his couch, his feet propped up on one end, his head on the other, his arm draped over his eyes. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to expect. Would Bella come to him wanting to talk? Was he supposed to wait an appropriate amount of time and then go after her? What was an appropriate amount of time? And what exactly would he say if and when he did seek her out?

Should he apologize more? Try and explain better? Wait and see what she had to say? Would she even have anything to say to him? She had been angry, hurt, when she had left. Would that be better or worse the next time he saw her?

He heard the soft steps shuffle across the floor quietly. He waited for Alice to rap on the door. He was surprised when it opened and closed briskly.

He moved his arm, his eyes going wide as Bella stood in front of him, hands on her hips, her face unreadable. He scrambled off the couch, standing and running his hand nervously through his hair.

He cleared his throat. "Uhh…Bella?"

"You…are an idiot Edward," she said, though there was very little anger in her voice.

"Yes…yes I am," he conceded, a small smile playing on his lips.

She began pacing across the room from him. "How could you just leave like that, and leave me here? How could you think I could just get over you? Why didn't you ever come back for me?"

She stopped pacing and looked at him expectantly. She wasn't just ranting. She wanted answers.

He sighed loudly. "Bella, I really did think I was doing the best thing for you. I was determined then for you to stay human…for you to stay safe. And then we suddenly became a danger to you. I didn't want to see you hurt. I thought I would leave and you could move on…to someone who wasn't threatening your life on a daily basis."

"I know the why Edward," she said in an exasperated tone. "I want to know how. I want to know how you could possibly think I would get over you. I want to know why you thought my love could just fade away like that. And I don't want to hear that stupid 'you were a human' stuff. You know our relationship was far beyond some human thing. I want to know how, if you really felt that way, you could walk away from me. Because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I could never, ever, have walked away from you."

Her voice lost some of its vehemence there near the end. She quieted, her angry stance faltering, but her intent gaze never left him. He could see how badly she needed these answers. And he wondered how much more he could screw this up.

He decided probably not much more than he already had. He sank back down to the couch, his elbows resting on his knees.

"It was…always very hard for me to believe you loved me that way," he said quietly. "And as much as you said you did."

"So you thought I was lying?" she demanded harshly.

"No, no, no," he went on quickly. "What I mean, is that…well…well first off Bella, you have to understand that, to me…you were this absolute perfect being. And I…was not. You were this innocent, beautiful, unknowing human. You saw me, you were drawn to me…but all humans were. You were seeing me at my best. But you had never seen me at my worst. You had never seen the despicable things I had done. And to me…that's what I was. That horrible monster, who had done those horrible things. Who was only that much more selfish for wanting you at my side after…all of that."

"And that night…the night of your birthday…you were brought into that world more than you ever had been. Even more than that day with James. Because it was one of us that time. And in my mind that was the way it would be. We would be what we were, you would remain human, and you would always be in harm's way if near me."

"That day when I was saying goodbye to you, I could see in your eyes you would fight it. I could see you wouldn't let go. I saw you trying to come after me, putting yourself in even more danger, once again. Telling you I didn't…what I told you…I honestly didn't think you would believe me. When you did…it hurt, it killed me, but I thought…it would make it that much easier for you to move on. That if you thought I didn't…maybe, soon…you wouldn't…either."

"But you knew you would always love me?"

"Of course."

"So you thought your love was so much greater for me than mine was for you," she said matter of factly.

"It's not quite that…easily explained. Human memories, emotions, feelings…they fade quite differently than ours do. I simply believed that the feelings you had for me would fade, then disappear completely…with time."

"You should have known that wasn't true!" she exclaimed. "You should have known that…it was different with me. Seventy five years after my change, when my mother and my father's faces are only a blur, when my life then is fuzzy and, at most times, unclear…when my childhood has completely disappeared from my mind, and _every single memory_ of you is crystal clear. My mind held on to you so desperately, then…and now! Even when I didn't want to remember you…I had no choice!"

"I was wrong Bella," he said quietly as he stood, piercing her with an intense gaze. "I realized exactly what I was doing to my life…but I didn't imagine how terribly I was messing up yours. I know now what a huge mistake I made. And I am so very, very sorry."

"It's so easy to say that now," she said, her voice full of pain. "Now that there's no reason to leave…now that I'm not in danger anymore. To think that if I were…if I wasn't changed, if things were different…that maybe you could just leave again."

"No…Bella no," he said fiercely. "You asked how I could walk away, when I felt the way I felt? It was _because_ I felt that way. It was because your safety was more important than, what I felt, were my selfish desires. How did I do it? I honestly don't know. I curled up in a ball for years, when it was the most difficult, and did absolutely nothing. Without you, there was nothing. Not that it really got easier after those first few years. I only became slightly numb as time passed."

"But if I had seen you again…I could never have left. I think it was easier to convince myself it was the right thing to do when I wasn't looking at you, seeing you, every day. But the first time I had…if I had…there would have been no leaving. There would have been no more being noble, no more doing the right thing. The minute I saw you, I never would have left your side again. I know I would have felt that way. I felt it the first time I saw you now. And not because you were changed, because you are now a vampire. Simply because you are Bella. That's all I've ever wanted, that's the only thing that's ever mattered to me. You…Bella."

She stared at him, her eyes wide, saying nothing. He wasn't sure how long they stood like that before she broke the silence, merely sighing loudly, and walked over to an edge of the couch and sat down.

He sat on the opposite side, staring forward. "What happened…after I left Bella? What was it like?"

She looked slightly dazed as she began answering. "That…part of my life is pretty clear to," she mumbled. "I…got lost in the forest after you left. I just…walked in the direction I thought you had disappeared in. They looked for me all night, found me, brought me home. I stayed in bed for a week. I know my mother came…she wanted to take me with her. But I refused. I just…I wanted to hold on to this place so badly."

"And then I guess for months I didn't do much of anything. I tried to convince people that things were fine…but I didn't do a very good job. Didn't talk much, didn't eat much…nothing, really. And Charlie finally confronted me one day, said he would send me back to my mom. I think that's when I kind of snapped out of it a little. Well, that night I guess."

"What happened that night?" he pressed her.

She turned and gave him a grim smile. "You won't like it."

He just stared at her expectantly.

She sighed. "I wanted to show my dad I was…that I would do better. I went out to Port Angeles that night. Me and…Jessica, I think…yes, Jessica…we went to a movie. Then we were walking to get something to eat. We were walking past this place, a bar I guess, and there were these…these guys outside." She paused, looking sideways at him. "Four guys. I…I'm not sure what made me walk toward them in the first place, but as I got closer they seemed familiar."

She stopped again, seeming hesitant. He looked at her curiously, raising an eyebrow.

"Then…then when I got really close, I remembered…who they were…or who I thought they were…and then…and then I heard your voice."

His expression became even more confused. "I…don't think I understand."

She sighed. "They…I thought they were the four men…from that first night…in Port Angeles," she practically whispered. "And, as I got closer, it was like you were right there…talking to me. You were telling me to leave, to turn around, and the voice was so perfectly…you, that I kept moving forward…just so I could hear it."

"The night in…" he began, then cut off as he realized what she was talking about. He jumped up off the couch. "You thought they were those men who almost attacked you!?" he thundered.

She looked up at him, only nodding.

"And you…you went to them because you heard my voice?" he hissed.

She shook her head back and forth a few times. "You don't understand. I would never let myself remember you, would never let myself think of you. I was afraid that maybe I couldn't anymore, because it had been so long. And then your voice came to me, and it was so perfectly clear, and I was just so happy I had remembered it. I _needed _to hear it Edward."

"So you put yourself in danger? You risked being hurt by those…those…" he sputtered.

"It wasn't them," she interrupted. "And do you know why, in the end, I decided I would go ahead and do all those dumb things to hear your voice? Because that day you left me, you made a promise to me…and you made me make a promise to you. You promised me you would be gone, and it would be like you had never existed. Well, that was a promise you could never, ever keep. Not from the moment you said it, or any time after. So I…I decided I didn't have to keep my promise to keep myself safe." She sighed. "I was…being rebellious I suppose. I was hurt, and I was angry."

"All of those dumb things? So there were more?" he demanded.

She bit her lip slightly. She cleared her throat. "Uhh…a few…"

He looked at her expectantly. "Well?"

She cleared her throat again nervously. "Well…I found some…used…motorcycles. I…started hanging out with Jacob Black then, and he rebuilt them. We…we rode them a few times."

"And you heard my voice then?" he asked evenly, trying to keep his anger under control.

"For awhile," she sighed. "And then it went away…I guess it stopped being so…dangerous. I thought I had finally just snapped…that my mind had…broken."

He kept staring at her, so she went on.

"I…jumped off a cliff," she mumbled.

"You what?!"

"It's called cliff diving. The…the kids in La Push did it a lot. So one day I just went and…did it."

"You jumped off a cliff? A cliff! Bella, what were you thinking?! That is insane! You could have been hurt, you could have been killed!"

"I honestly wasn't thinking that way. I didn't notice that the water was rough, that there was a storm coming, until I had already jumped and was being pulled under."

"And what happened?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Jacob came. He pulled me out."

"He…saved your life?" Edward asked quietly.

"Yes," she nodded. "I…would have died if he hadn't come, I was sure of that."

"That was…so stupid, so reckless Bella. Just to hear my voice? Hardly worth it." He ran a hand quickly through his hair.

"I wanted to be stupid and reckless. And it was worth it to me…it was worth everything to me."

"You and Jacob were together a lot?" he went on after a short time.

"After I went to see him that first time, we were practically inseparable. He was really the only person I spent time with. He was…my best friend," she said sadly.

"He loved you."

She nodded. "I loved him…in a certain way. He held me together when I couldn't do it for myself."

"And you knew he was a werewolf?" he went on.

"He wasn't at first. It happened after we'd been hanging out for awhile. He just…stopped coming around. I went to him, he told me he couldn't be my friend anymore. I was really upset. I had this…this hole in me. Jacob didn't fix that hole, nothing did, and I knew nothing ever would. But he kept it from ripping open so much. Anyways, he came to me after that, and told me to remember the story he had relayed when we first met…the one he told me about…you. Said it would explain what was going on with him. He wasn't allowed to tell me because the pack leader gave him an order not to…he couldn't break it. But if I figured it out on my own…well, I did. They had killed Laurent by that time, and were hunting Victoria, but they didn't know why she was there. I filled in the blanks, they started trying to…protect me. The attack happened soon after that."

Edward sighed. "I made so many complications in your life."

"Not until you left," Bella answered sadly. "Nothing that happened while we were together was a complication…not for me anyway. Not when you were there."

They both fell silent, sitting on separate ends of the couch, staring forward absently.

"What was your life like?" Bella asked. "What did you do?"

"In the beginning, not much of anything. When I said I curled up into a ball and did nothing, that wasn't just an expression…that's literally what I did. And I had periods when I would go back to that. In the beginning I didn't stay with my family. I went off on my own. I even actually…I tried my hand at tracking."

"Tracking? Tracking who?"

He hung his head down slightly. "Victoria," he said quietly. "I really didn't think she would try anything…but I thought it would be best to…dispose of her regardless. I lost her trail fairly early…I never picked it up again. I guess now I know why."

He cleared his throat. "I stayed gone for almost a year from the others. Then I came back, I rejoined the life we had been leading all along, school, the usual. But every once in awhile I would hit that phase again. I would go off on my own, curl up, and do absolutely nothing. It was really a pathetic existence."

They both fell silent again, and this time the silence went on for a long time.

"There was…there was never anyone else?" Bella asked quietly.

Edward laughed without even thinking, then quickly bit it back. "Never Bella. There never could be anyone else. It's always been you…only you," he said seriously.

They fell silent again.

"You?" he asked after awhile.

She smiled slightly, shaking her head. "No…no one else."

"But you…did love Jacob."

Bella turned to look at him. "It was never like it was with you though. I loved him as a friend. And…well, there was a time when I had actually entertained being with him romantically. But I knew I would have to explain to him that he would never have my whole heart…not even a good portion of it. That was already gone…I didn't have it to give."

He turned and looked at her imploringly. "Can you forgive me Bella? For everything I've done to you, for the things I've ruined, the mistakes I've made, the pain I've caused."

She studied him carefully. "I already have. I didn't think it should happen that quickly…it felt like it was too easy, like there was something wrong with it happening that way. But I have…that's all there is to it."

"So…what now?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I don't know."

"I love you Bella," he said softly, looking at her intently.

It took her awhile to answer. He felt nervous, more nervous then he had in a long time. But then it happened.

"I love you too Edward," she said softly.

"Well then…I guess we start from there," he replied, grinning at her.


	22. Chapter 22 Awkward

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

* * *

Alice opened and closed Bella's door lightly. "Hey," she said.

Bella placed the book face down on the bed. "Hey Alice."

Alice cleared her throat. "So, uh…how are things going?"

She shook her head. "Things are fine Alice."

Alice looked at her skeptically. "And how was the movie?"

"The movie was good. Kind of long…with long subtitles. But it was good."

She rolled her eyes. "Bella, Edward left with Jasper and Emmett to go hunting, so you can 'really' talk to me," she said pointedly.

Bella looked toward the door. "He left already?"

"Didn't he tell you he was going?"

Bella nodded.

They both remained silent for a moment before Alice spoke. "So?" she prompted.

Bella stood and began pacing. "Why does this feel so awkward Alice? It shouldn't feel so awkward, right? So why does it. It's just…it's awkward!"

She smiled knowingly. "Well…besides the fact that Edward seems to be trying to move forward excruciatingly slowly…it seems like you two just met in high school and decided to go on a few dates. For you two…that doesn't seem to make much sense."

Bella rolled her eyes. "If Edward moves any slower eternity may not be long enough," she grumbled.

Alice laughed. "Why do the two of you have so much trouble communicating now? I really don't understand it. Talk to him Bella. Tell him this feels awkward…and tell him why. I'm sure the stubborn fool already knows it all, but maybe it will actually click in his head when you say it out loud."

"But I don't even know why."

"Yes you do. It feels awkward because this isn't the kind of relationship you ever had. From the first day you two decided to be together, you were _together_. That's what happens when you find your soul mate. There's no awkward dating and small talk. There's just you and him, and you're together. Talk to him. The words will come easier than you think."

Bella sighed. "Yeah…easy."

* * *

Edward and Bella walked out of the theater hand in hand.

"Did you enjoy the play?"

"Mmmm…it was good," she answered absently.

They began walking toward the car, but Bella suddenly stopped. Edward turned to look at her questioningly.

"Let's take a walk," she suggested, pulling him in the opposite direction.

"Alright," Edward said with a small smile.

They walked out to the pier and stood looking over the water, both of them silent for a few minutes. There wasn't any one else out this time of night. The only sound was the water below and the light traffic on the street, no doubt those leaving the theater.

Bella dropped Edward's hand and began pacing the length of the pier. He watched her warily before speaking. "What's on your mind Bella?"

She stopped a few feet in front of him and looked him in the eye. "This is awkward…you can feel it too."

He looked at her questioningly. "Do you feel awkward talking to me?"

She exhaled loudly. "Not talking to you. _This_. This situation with us trying to…to date."

"You don't like our dates?"

"It's not that Edward. It's just that…it doesn't feel…normal. Not for us. All those years ago, we never dated. We just kind of…fell into our relationship. And now…now it feels like we're trying to date, like two high school kids…not like us. Like we're…I don't know…forcing things."

"Dating just seems…normal, doesn't it?"

"But we're not normal Edward, we're two vampires." She saw him smile slightly as she said this. "I don't want you to treat me like someone 'normal'…you never have. I just don't know why things aren't like they were back then. It feels like you're treating me with kid gloves. Really careful and…"

Edward stepped forward, and smiled as he put a hand gently on her cheek. "I've always treated you delicately, my Bella."

She shook her head, then reached down and grabbed his other hand, putting it to her other cheek. Both her hands covered his and she moved them to the tops of her shoulders, then down to her waist.

"Look at me Edward," she said firmly, moving his hands back up to grasp her shoulders. His eyes were wide as she continued. "I'm not fragile anymore. I'm not delicate…I'm not breakable. I'm just like you…finally, I'm like you! And now, when you don't have to worry about breaking me, you're more hesitant than you ever were."

His hands continued to rest on her shoulders as he spoke. "I broke you Bella…I broke you in the worst way possible. I damaged you far more than I could have imagined. And now, I thought…if things moved very slowly and carefully, that it would be better for you…it would be easier…and you could begin to learn to trust me."

"But this feels awkward to you too, doesn't it?"

He sighed. "I suppose it does feel a little…strange. But I want to do this in the best way possible. I want to make sure everything goes right."

"Well maybe the best way possible is _our_ way. We never did the traditional dating thing then…but we were happy together, and we were in love…and it feels so weird to be doing it differently now. Like it doesn't fit. Not us, at least."

"I want to make sure I do this right Bella. I don't want to mess up…and I don't want to hurt you."

She reached up and took his hands in hers. "I know you do. So do I. But we're bound to make mistakes…we can't do everything perfectly. And as far as hurting me goes…well, at least you don't have to worry about killing me all the time. That's a definite improvement."

He grinned at her. "Yes, that's quite an improvement." He stared at her long and hard for a minute. "Come on…let's go somewhere," he said hurriedly, beginning to lead them in the direction of the car.

"Where?" she asked.

"Shouldn't be too hard to figure out," he answered, grinning at her again. They got in the car. He sped down the highway.

"You sure don't move slowly in cars," she mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?" he asked.

She cleared her throat. "Uh…nothing. Just complaining about your disregard for traffic laws again."

He looked over and gave her his crooked smile. "Hmmm," was all he said.

He pulled to the side of the highway and got out, coming to her side of the car and opening the door.

"The meadow?" she guessed as she got out

He nodded. He grabbed her hand and looked at her mischievously. Then he suddenly dropped it. "Maybe we ought to race," he said smugly.

"You want to race?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Sure."

"Because you're so sure you'll win?"

He grinned. "I never lose a race."

She crossed her arms. "Alright," she said, smiling back at him.

"I'll even give you a, let's say, 3 second head start," he went on.

"No thanks," she replied.

He shrugged again. "Have it your way. Ready?"

She nodded.

"Set….go!"

They both took off like lightning. Edward looked to the side of him but didn't see her. He figured she must be a little ways behind and slowed down so he didn't beat her by much.

But when he broke through the trees into the meadow he was surprised to see Bella on the opposite side, leaning against a tree and inspecting her nails.

"I was starting to wonder if you were gonna show up," she said, smiling slyly.

"I've seen you run before…you weren't this fast. How did you get here so quickly?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, just because you've seen me run doesn't mean you've seen me at my fastest. And besides, I wasn't looking behind me to make sure you were there, or slowing down to pacify you." She stepped away from the tree, giving him a teasing smile.

He shook his head, mouthing something she didn't quite catch.

"So I beat Edward Cullen," she continued. "The unbeatable one. I guess I should be pretty proud."

"Emmett will be jealous."

She smiled. "Hmmm, I'll have to show him next time we're all together."

He raised an eyebrow, walking forward. "Maybe you won't win next time."

"Oh, I'm sure I will."

"You're awfully confident," he said. He stopped several feet away, then began to slowly circle her.

She shrugged. "Why shouldn't I be? I did beat you."

"I guess you're right," he went on musingly. "You're not quite so delicate anymore." He continued his walk around her, bending forward ever so slightly.

She narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing?"

He shrugged, then smiled wickedly, baring his teeth for just a second. "Maybe I just want to see how…not delicate you are."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Wha….no…you wouldn't." Her eyes narrowed even further.

He shook his head. "Are you sure about that?"

"Edward," she began in a warning tone, uncrossing her arms and eyeing him warily.

But before the word completely left her mouth he had pounced.

He landed on nothing but air. She had dodged him.

"Edward," she said again, "I haven't spent the last hundred and some odd years wrestling with vampires, remember?" Her voice wavered.

"You dodge pretty well though." He stopped circling, stepped forward, and then began again.

Suddenly he pounced again. But still he touched only air. Bella stood a few feet to his left.

"Huh…I guess I am pretty good at this."

He grinned and pounced again. This time he heard a slight yelp as their bodies connected and they went down to the ground. His body was on top of hers and he rose up slightly to look down at her. "Well, I caught you that time, didn't I?" he said smugly.

She raised an eyebrow. "Maybe I wanted you to catch me that time."

He lowered his head closer to hers and heard her breath catch in her throat. "Are you saying I only won because you let me?" he challenged, their lips only inches apart.

"Guess you'll never know," she said breathlessly, then grinned.

Suddenly his expression became serious. "You know, our first kiss wasn't exactly in this meadow…it was by your truck, after we left. Do you remember?"

She nodded, turning her head slightly.

He brought his face just a little closer to hers, and smiled as she took a deep gulp of air. "But I figured this would be the best place for it. Our…second first kiss, I suppose you could call it," he whispered.

She just stared up at him with wide eyes, saying nothing, not even breathing.

"You have no idea how very many times I've envisioned this moment Bella," he murmured, lowering his head even further.

"Oh yes I do," she whispered.

He leaned down at an excruciatingly slow pace. Her eyes closed.

He turned his head quickly, placing his lips in the hollow behind her ear. She gasped as he took a long, deep breath, her hands tangling in his hair. He ran his lips up and down her throat several times, stopping at the base, just above her collar bone.

He trailed small kisses along the bone, straight to the other side, then started up her throat and over her chin, stopping just before her lips.

Her eyes were wide open when he looked up at her, watching his every move. She reached up and trailed a finger softly along his forehead, down his left cheek, and finally traced her thumb across his lips.

"Bella," he whispered, before finally placing his lips on hers.

The kiss was soft, tentative…careful. Just like they had always been so long ago. Bella's hands tightened desperately in his hair, her body arching up slightly.

Instinctively he pulled back and looked down at her. She took a deep breath, then opened her eyes, her gaze burning into him, making his breath catch in his throat.

"You won't break me Edward," she whispered, cupping his cheek in her hand.

He leaned into her touch, closing his eyes. "I'm not used to you being so…unbreakable," he said, smiling.

"Here…I'll show you." Before he even had a chance to open his eyes and look at her, she pulled herself up and pressed her lips firmly to his.

His arms wound around her back, holding her close, her arms clinging to his neck. Their lips moved slowly, sensuously against each other at first. But soon the kiss became desperate, furious.

And finally, it happened. What he had wanted for so long. His brain stopped telling him to be careful, to be cautious. Nothing in his head screamed that Bella was made of glass and that he could break her at any time. His body was reacting fantastically to the kiss, to her, and for the first time, he didn't have to stop.

He began to trace his tongue slowly over her lips. She gasped, the way she always had when their kisses pushed the boundaries so long ago, her lips parting slightly.

And without even thinking about it, his tongue plunged into her mouth. She gasped again, her nails digging into his neck. But before long their tongues were moving together perfectly. He moved his tongue slowly, then would begin exploring hungrily, plunging his tongue deep into her mouth, only to slow down once again.

When their lips finally parted her eyes remained closed as she gulped for air. He buried his face into her neck, breathing in her scent.

When he raised his head her eyes were still closed, her breathing just becoming steady. "Open your eyes Bella," he whispered.

Her eyes fluttered open.

He lowered his head so their foreheads were touching. "I love you Bella. Oh...so, so much." He brought his hand up and trailed a finger up and down her cheek. "You are so beautiful.

She smiled at him, a bright, sensuous, beautiful smile. "I love you Edward."

They stared into each other's eyes for several moments.

"But we've done enough talking. Plenty of talking. So please…kiss me again."

He pulled his head back, smiling her favorite crooked smile. "Gladly."


	23. Chapter 23 Perfect

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

**A/N- Yes folks...sadly, this is the last chapter of the story, followed by a short epilogue. When I started writing this, it wasn't something I had planned on turning into a whole story...but I had the best time writing it! Although most of the time I didn't feel like I was completely capturing Edward and Bella well enough, I had a lot of fun exploring them, and the fact that some of you loved it so much has made me really happy. I would like everyone to go back and read the last chapter BEFORE reading this one...I completely re-did Edward and Bella's 'second first kiss'...when I was writing it I knew it needed to be different, and now I think I've captured it much better. I hope you all like it too. Also, as my last request, I would like to ask that EVERYONE who reads this last chapter and epilogue leave a review. Come on guys...it's the last one! It will only take a minute, and it will really make my day. You have been the most awesome readers and reviewers, and I want to thank you for the wonderful response I've gotten to this story. Now I will be focusing my time on finishing my other story, Persuasion...after which I will be working hard to develop some stories of my own. So...thanks, and enjoy. And review!**

* * *

"Why are we walking this way Edward…we don't have gym," Bella asked as they made their way hand in hand toward the doors to th

"Why are we walking this way Edward…we don't have gym," Bella asked as they made their way hand in hand toward the doors to the girls' locker room. They stopped a yard or two in front of the doors. Students milled around them, talking, laughing, socializing before the lunch hour ended.

Just then the bell rang, but Edward made no move toward class, instead looking at her, smiling, his face slightly apprehensive.

"What are…" she began asking. But before she could finish he tugged her body close to his, cocking his head to the side and smiling slyly.

"You know, there was something I always wanted to do way back when," he said, his breath whispering across her face. She shuddered as she looked up at him, her eyes curious.

"Well, actually, there were many things I wanted to do," he said mischievously. He glanced around at all of the students, several of whom were now staring at the two of them. His gaze went back to her.

And then he leaned forward and kissed her passionately. Her body went rigid with surprise for just a second, but soon relaxed against him, her hands coming up to touch his face.

When they broke apart she opened her eyes to see him smiling down at her. She answered with one of her own.

"That's something you've always wanted to do? Because…well, we have been doing a lot of that lately."

He chuckled. "I always hated the way those children looked at you when we were together so long ago. Sometimes I thought…maybe, if I could kiss you like that, right in front of them…well, maybe they would stop. That I could drive their stupid thoughts away if they saw me kiss you like that. I suppose it is much different…they're not the same kids…but…well, it is still pretty satisfying," he finished with a grin.

She smiled back. "You won't hear any complaints from me."

Edward looked around them once again as the last few stragglers hurried to class. Then he turned back to Bella.

He took her hands tightly in his and looked her straight in the eye. "I've been racking my brain trying to figure out the right way to do this. The perfect time, the perfect place. All the things I needed to do to make this just right."

He stopped briefly, dropping his gaze to the ground and clearing his throat. He raised his eyes to hers again. "I thought I needed to put myself in a fancy tux, make Alice put you in a frilly dress." He heard her breath catch. "But then I figured out exactly the way it needed to be done. Not necessarily the right way, the perfect way, the popular way…but our way."

He motioned towards the doors to the locker room behind her. But her eyes never left him. He pulled one of his hands out of hers and placed it on her cheek. "You told me, that day in the meadow, that your clearest memory of us was when I walked you to gym…when I walked you here." He trailed his hand up and down her cheek. "When I first reached out and touched you," he whispered.

He traced his thumb several times across her lips, then smiled. "So I figured that the perfect way to do this would be to replace that memory. And I figured…that maybe if the experiences were similar, I might have a better chance."

Bella's eyes widened as his hand dropped from her cheek and he went down on one knee.

"I love you Bella. I love you so, so very much. I waited my entire life…my entirely long life…for you. And, stupidly, then I made myself wait longer. When the only thing I've wanted from the moment I laid eyes on you was to spend eternity with you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a black box, smiling slyly as he opened it, smiling wider when she gasped, her free hand going over her mouth.

"But I must insist that we spend eternity with this ring on your finger…and with Cullen as your last name. Bella…will you marry me?"

She stared at the ring with wide, disbelieving eyes, the hand covering her mouth shaking. She swallowed hard, her eyes darting from the ring to his eyes, and back to the ring.

"I…I…" she stuttered, then stopped and swallowed again. Her eyes closed, and for a moment her face looked pained.

But then a look of resolve came over her. She opened her eyes, smiling slowly.

He stood up quickly and brought his face close to hers, their foreheads almost touching. "May I put it on?" he whispered.

She swallowed hard, then nodded.

He pulled the ring from the box and placed it slowly, carefully, on her finger. Her hand trembled in his. When he was done he folded it tightly into his.

"Is that a yes?"

She opened her mouth, then closed it. She cleared her throat. "Yes…it's a yes," she said. She pulled her hand up to inspect the ring. "It's beautiful." Then she looked at him through narrowed eyes. "Much too beautiful. _Expensively _beautiful."

He placed a soft kiss on her forehead, chuckling. "Don't worry, silly Bella. I haven't forgotten a single thing about you." He brought her left hand up and kissed it. "The ring was my mother's."

"Your mother's," she mused, still gazing at her hand.

He put a finger under her chin and raised it so they were looking into each other's eyes. "It's been waiting a long time to adorn your finger," he murmured. "Perfect fit."

She smiled. "Perfect."

He leaned down and pressed his lips firmly to hers.

"I love you," he murmured against her lips. "I've always loved you."

He felt her lips curve up into a smile. "I know."

"Hey, break it up for a sec so we can get a word in," Emmett boomed from behind Bella.

She turned around to see everyone standing behind them, smiling.

"Why am I not surprised to see you all here," she chuckled.

"You didn't think we would miss this, did you?" Esme asked, coming up and hugging her tightly. "We've been waiting for this for such a long time."

They all took their turn saying congratulations to the both of them, Alice saving Bella for last. She kissed her on the cheek, then folded her into a tight hug. After a few moments Alice rocked up onto her tiptoes.

"I saw this so long ago. I knew this was going to happen…more than that, that it was meant to happen. I saw Isabella Cullen…with that ring on her finger, her topaz eyes shining. It just took a little longer than I imagined. But I knew it would happen."

She pulled back, grinning happily up at Bella, then Edward, then back to Bella. "After all…this was inevitable."


	24. Epilogue

**_Disclaimer- The fabulous characters of my story belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and come from her Twilight series._**

* * *

Bella bent down and placed the flowers on the ground, then straightened up.

"Is it still terribly upsetting?" Edward whispered in her ear, snaking his arms around her waist.

She sighed, leaning back into his body and closing her eyes. She reveled in his closeness, his touch, just as she always did. Time had failed to put any damper on her reaction to him.

"No…not terribly. Sometimes I still feel a little…guilty I guess. That his life was so terribly affected by me. That he suffered the way he did."

"It wasn't your fault."

She nodded, her head still leaning back into his chest. "I know that now. It may be harder to accept sometimes…but in my heart I know it. Sometimes I think that what happened to him…everything that happened…was such a shame."

Her eyes looked down at the grave again, then moved over to the left. Jacob's wife lay right beside him for all eternity, the dates showing that they had spent many wonderful years together.

"But then I figure…maybe he was really grateful for it. For what he was…that he got to wait for her to come along. Even if some of the years were really hard…that maybe their time together made up for that."

Edward's arms tightened around her. "I'm certain that's exactly how he felt."

She turned in his arms, smiling up at him. "Sometimes it can still be very hurtful, thinking about them all. Jacob, Renee…Charlie. Charlie especially." She sighed, looking up at the sky. "But then I think they're up there somewhere, looking down at me…that they can see I'm happy. And I think…maybe that makes them happy too." Her gaze fell back down to Edward.

He kissed her forehead, taking her hands and holding them in his. "It's almost a double edged sword being back here. Some painful memories…but so many good ones at the same time."

She smiled, leaning up to kiss him softly.

"It's your birthday, you know," he whispered, the look on his face mischievous.

She rolled her eyes, then socked him in the arm. "Didn't we agree no more counting after one fifty?" she demanded.

He chuckled. "You must understand why it's a day I would want to celebrate."

"Uh huh," she murmured. She pulled herself away, grabbed his hand, and began walking down the hill.

"Do you want to make a wish?"

She looked up at him, smiling luminously. "What would I possibly need to wish for?"


End file.
